Okay, as you knew.. after all those signs.. i went back to orchestra last Sat..
Prior to that, there were so many signs:
bumping into my favourite Sheng player at Vivo, bumping into my dearest ruan player at Suntec, etc etc.. seeing the cello appear everywhere.. during ktv, tv advertisements, on posters etc etc.. acquiantance with a semi-pro saxaphonist cum ex-pres of ntusb..
And so I was curious b4 I returned how the section was and asked the pp(principal player) i used to know.. to realise that she wasn't pp anymore.. her words made me shiver "we're playing difficult pieces this year you know", (is she thinking i'm not good enuff to cope with the repertoire?) not too friendly she is, told me she let's the new pp makes decisions... and not too encouraging abt my return either..
and you know.. the last time I touched the instrument was in 2009, for the Poland competition... in June I think.. and I haven't been near it since then.. i was so worried i couldn't play anymore! plus i'm so ambitious i'm returning to full orchestra practices immediately without participating in sectionals, also due to work commitments (sectionals are on wkdays) i may never go sectionals.. :P
And her words did get me so worried i think my legs were gng soft on my way up to the YST orchestra hall (we had to borrow their hall as CFA was in renovations)... I was so worried, my mind was BLANK! I couldn't remember which note was in which position, i totally forgotten how each of the four strings sounded.. and i was really freaked out to be on my way back to orchestra after such a long absence!
Not to mention pple would be looking at me wondering who i was, i was worried i wouldn't know most of the pple! I dunno how to find a cello, I dunno if its okay to borrow one.. i was even prepared to not play and just go home!
But it turns out that as I turned towards the hall i bumped right into the ex-pp, she was tuning her cello, so I asked if there was a spare one i could borrow, she pointed me into the room.. and as it turns out, I followed her example to tune and timidly sneaked into the hall.. as it felt so strange, i was afraid pple will stare at this stranger.. and i dunno how to explain myself. I was glad to see another alumni in the section and with relief, found a seat as his desk partner.
It was so scary at first i think my bow was trembling.. but my desk partner led me in well, showed me the bar, and it was easy to follow someone who was playing mostly correct notes. took me about half an hour and two pages of score to grow back into the cellist i was.. SIGHT-READIng.. the pipa pro later commented i'm such an amazing sight-reader as I did not have the luxury to own an instrument, I was forced to be execellent in sight reading.
OH! I missed out the most impt part, the moment i creeped into my seat and sat down, i finally raised my head to look at conductor to hear him say "wo you mei you kan cuo? na shi yan jun ma?" that broke my very tense countenance into a big great smile... :D nodding.. hee hee.. lao shi, you still rmbr me!
in any case, the conductor didn't chase me out of the room, some junior made me write my particulars down, so i'm kind of fixed for this concert... i hope not too many pple disapprove of my last min. participation..
but let me continue with my story.. it was actually more of a chinese lesson last Sat as reading the score i saw some really weird chinese characters.. some i cannot recognise, most i cannot understand... fortunately my desk partner is some cheena folk and patiently explained to me, what is "ci qi pi fu", i decided it just means to play randomly, and later went on to further analyse it means when you start screaming, i end and vice versa.
yes and with age, and being rusty, after like an hour of rehearsal, i slumped back in my seat. lao shi was then looking at us, flipping his conductor score but when he set his vision on me, he said "ah, ni men xu yao xiu xi le ma? xiu xi shi wu fen zhong ba!" lol.. i got stunned... haha.. i decided he must have saw my shagged look to suddenly take a break... felt abit paiseh though...
nobody, NOBODY, i'm very sure will be able to emphatise with me. which idiot will stop for 1.5yrs after an intensive competition and THEN sit in an intensive rehearsal!? -SIGHTREADING- wor... yah.. but its exhilarating.. it got me so hyped up i think i had a hard time falling aslp (Or it could be due to the koi tea..:P)
it gave me life.
revived a part of me that was forced to be still due to work and volunteer commitments. I have forgotten how happy i could be. I have forgotten how much i could look forward to something.
Even for a short term, I'm glad I could go back. (think sovil titus)
