I MISS HOME!!!!!!!!! (already...)

Looking thru facebook
After such a draining week
I see how other friends are facing exam
Like I did before

I recall 'My Favourite Things'
And seek it out on YouTube
Feeling that all energy
Has been sucked out of me
It is a really soothing sound

Keeping anger is bad for health
Unable to let go of frustration
I succumb to it with my physical self

Fortunately I had the flexibility
To come home and sleep an afternoon away

Now physically much better
I tell myself to face the situation
With a bright smile
All over again

Of course there's the nostalgia
Of leaving home again
And the pity that I haven't met
So many dear friends and loved ones

I guess this is the time
I go to my piano
After a long period of neglect...

It's okay dear..

It's okay dear..
That you're sometimes so slow and dense.

It's really okay dear,
As your ignorance doesn't hurt others too much.

They will forgive you dear,
For the silly words of faith you speak.

They may not understand you dear,
But they open their arms wide to include you.

They may be exasperated dear,
But you test their patience well.

It's not too late to realise dear,
Even if you're to make the same mistaken faith.

You have chosen dear,
Not to lose your faith in innocence.

There are no right nor wrong in choices dear,
Neither will there be right or wrong opinions.

Keep your faith dear,
Even if this world will never be worth.

Keep going dear,
For that which inspires your life.

I like to be open..

I guess I'm now the total opposite of my younger self (although my K2 classmate still recognises me, lol..)

I used to keep myself a mystery, aiming to confuse.
Now I open my transperant self to all, regardless.

It makes me comfortable, I feel comfortable and strive to make myself comfortable in spite of the situations. I feel it helps the pple around me to feel comfortable when I'm in comfort too.

Now the picture is so clear, what I want is so clear. Although everything, the future and my fate is still unknown, but I feel a solid ground under me. No matter where I go, I know what I'm seeking, what I will look for.

Let me continue to read my mystery book then feedback ba..

What am I fighting for!??!

I have a loving boss,

More than a dozen caring colleagues.

And very very close friends within the department,

At least three who put me before themselves.

I'm never left out at work.

There are a million pple in ofx who will bring me out to exciting lunch places.

I have a good working relationship with ALL stakeholders.

I get to go home on time much more than most colleagues.

I sleep better than many friends I know.

I know how to do my work and handles my job scope well.

I am in a happy situation, happy environment.

So I'd really like to ask, what exactly am I fighting for?!?!?!

My pessimistic colleague says..

most pple have to tolerate their bosses more than I do.

most bosses will make mistakes and think that you made them.

most bosses will force a decision on you and blame you for the decision after that.

... i'm too exhausted to complete this list, why should i?

Spending Nature..

And so its weird I realised, I do not consciously force myself to spend less but becos there is so much pessimism at work that there is no joy in expenditure anymore.

Food tastes the same. Bags look the same. Shoes are the same. Clothes all look like clothes.

And you thought pple spend more to make themselves happier. Actually, spending more is just a relaxation. It is only required when one is stressed. When you're angry, and hopeless, you're not stressed. You actually find no joy in expenditure.

Is that a kind of optimism in itself?

perpetual frown

and so the hot topic, PCDP - personal career development plan was meant to motivate staff.

I got that takeaway after talking to my HCD - head capability development.

I have no idea why how what when I'm made to feel so angry. Throughout the entire session, I can feel my HCD trying very hard, trying to understand and see how we can align to each other. However, I could only feel my cheeks burning, I was so angry I couldn't understand why.

I guess I will have to show him how I think things can be aligned.