Lost

Lost in a sea full of emotions,
Lost facing a future too colourful.

Lost with a past so tumultous,
Lost in a life satisfaction filled.

Lost in the daily mundane activities,
Lost in little weekly goals.

Lost in life, in general,
Lost for sometime, struggling to find light.

How have you been doing?

Its been five years since we met,
Two years since we were in love,
And one year since we last chat.

Today, was a very normal day,
Yet I looked thru the photos,
The emails and things u used to say.

Pain rushing back, unable to comprehend;
What happened, why did they happen?
Two deep in love yet fail to mend.

I wish we could talk;
Discuss and have fun like before.
I hope to hear ur thoughts.

But quiet as my life has turned,
Heart brimming with tears,
I keep all my sorrows churned.

Force myself to look away,
See the sun and smile.
Thank god you were once here.

Thank you.

Studying..

You know.. I really HATE studying.. HATE it to the CORE...

I hate the idea of mugging.. of drowning myself in new information that is difficult to make sense of...

But somehow.. all my friends are encouraging me to do so.. the two ladies in Boston, some colleagues at work...

I still fought them off.. till these few days...

I wake up thinking i have to go to school.. I slip of my tongue says I have to get back to studying instead of get back to working...

I so cannot believe why I'm behaving this way.. for I really do hate studying...

It freaks me out.. how signs show me what I really need... Thank you.. I appreciate it.. and will continue so... Thank you...

Beginner's last lesson

Yesterday was the eigth and the last lesson of my beginner's riding course where we learnt to walk, trot, control and interact with the horse. It was also the most scary and the lesson where I learnt alot.

I quite reluctantly dragged myself out of bed LATE.. and self-whipped to faster go for the last lesson.. I had the belief that the last lesson was supposed to be a horse grooming lesson, so was half-reluctant to go.. but didn't want to waster the 80 bucks.. and will also need to know how to groom my own horse.. so I dragged myself there..

To my quiet surprise, we were told to lead our horses out of the stables, i.e. we were riding again! (I think it was because Keith, our instructor for the first six lessons went to a competition and Adre who took over isn't clear which lesson we're at.. so maybe confused and thought we should be riding and not at the grooming lesson!)

Lack of sleep and exhaustion from the week gave me little energy. Not to mention, of the eight lessons, they had to assign me "Report Time" in the last lesson. (The other seven were all on "We Are On"). So here I was, trying to make friends with "Report Time" and putting some energy controlling it as I wasn't sure if it understood my intentions.

Interestingly, it was much easier task to get "Report Time" trotting than "We Are On". However, I initially didn't adjust the stirrups properly so the first trot was not successful as the stirrups were too long for me to balance on. After adjusting the stirrups, my second trot wasn't great either as I had a hard time keeping balance on "Report Time", either due to exhaustion or disability to catch her trotting rhythm. My third trot was a little better but I was still too nervous and pulled too tight on her reins so she felt held back and difficult to trot comfortably...

The highlight of the day, however wasn't me. It was jessica on "Moonlight". I think jessica's few times on "Moonlight" too, so she was trying to get "Moonglight" to go into trotting when suddenly, Moonlight jerked and Jessica fell off the horse!. Moonlight den went into a frenzy, not knowing where to run! The instructor later chided as somebody's mother brought the dog near "Moonlight" and gave "Moonlight" the scare! That was why "Moonlight" reacted so... I was so shocked as I saw how Jessica fell and then picked herself up and her expression of shock and pain still remains freshly engraved in my mind..

Scary morning..

This morning.. while waiting along the road for a cab to BTSC...

Some MPV stopped over and this driver wound his passenger window down:
Driver: Where are you gng?
Me: Bukit Timah.
Driver: Need me to send you to MRT?
Me: No, its okay. (Duh, I'm right next to an MRT station)
Driver: Can give me ur number?
Me: (SHOCKED :O) No. Thank you.
Driver drove away. But still within 2 meters.
After 5 mins..
Driver reversed, and wind down his passenger window again, this time trying to pass me a slip of paper. I said no thanks. He drove away.
-The end-

Riding lesson Seven!

Today was an eventful lesson.

Our instructor for the past six lessons, Keith, is away in Japan for competition. (Hope he's alright) Therefore, we had a lady instructor today, i forgot her name opps. Was it andre or something?

Well, the exciting stuff happened all together.. After our first trot, Little Red and We Are On went into mutual grooming. Both Jessica and I, on Little Red and We Are On, and the instructor was surprised! At the same time, Stephanie was doing her own trot but ended up in her first canter instead!

Yup, that pretty much summarises all the exciting stuff. It was also the first time I held a whip and used it. Woah, super effective la! We Are On went trotting immediately. Trotting is getting used to me! haha...

A girl's heart..

Is so volatile.
She can lose it to him for a while,
But does not realise it at all.

I've lost myself to him,
Without realising it.
My heart has gone to him,
From I do not know when.

He was never in the picture,
For as long as I remember.
I have always been so focused,
For as much as I wanted.

Its cruel to control my feelings,
Its hard to discipline my thoughts.
I'm constantly afraid of disturbing,
Someone I treasure so dearly.

I wish he's resting well,
I pray for his good mood.
Hope he does not worry,
For I'm oh-so cherry.

I pray to find peace,
I want joy with him.
Glad for the blessings,
Heart vigoursly thumping.