and so i don't know why, i should be in bed but i choose to type here.. there something very empty inside of me...
its an ideal two days of no work and just training.. although very boring training as the students are not active and difficult to open up and exchange ideas.. and very tough material every single session reminding me of my weakness, how to know if the traffic comes in has gone through NAT? how many different events can the router listen for at all the packets? I've never been learning well in sch.. :(
and i just went to try to answer a qn.. i do not wish to ask.. for i am not ready to know the negative ans... how can anyone ask a qn and only expect positive ans lei? sigh... (it reminds me of pple who propose, they only want to hear +ve ans..-.-)
I've been talking to too many pple.. talking too much... but... i need to talk.. i guess i really need to talk to that particular someone.. and not any others.. yet.. i cant talk to her.. she's far and she's leaving... sigh... and i dun wan to go around in circles.. i want to get out of this CIRCLE!!!! (infinite loop la)
hang in there girl... SURVIVE!!!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Optimism
And so one goes on to figure, which exactly is my real self?
It has been a spirit lifting week seeing so much effort put in and such great results. It is consoling and relieving to know that things are on course... I feel like I came back from a holiday although it was a work trip.
Let's keep it this way. :)
It has been a spirit lifting week seeing so much effort put in and such great results. It is consoling and relieving to know that things are on course... I feel like I came back from a holiday although it was a work trip.
Let's keep it this way. :)
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Point to point
On the eve of the eve of the eve of Lunar New Year, we had our dept lunch at some uluated restaurant where I got a lift to Newton MRT and bumped into the same colleagues at lunch who took a bus there.
And so, my colleague and I were both heading home to Dakota stn and I've made some calculation of stops and turns out if I take to Bishan, the MRT will make 2 less stops than making the interchange at Dhoby Gaut. But bumping into that friend at the station, we were discussing on which route will be better when another chipped in to have us take different routes to find that out. And so we took on the challenge, me to Bishan and he to Dhoby Gaut.
Its interesting how the circle line gives us an additional option to travel point to point, yet makes travelling so complicated as another commented there is not one direct route to a location anymore.
Turns out that I lost, as although the Bishan route takes two less stops, the in-between travelling time, (esp the Bishan - x - Serangoon) is longer.
Hence, take the Dhoby route!
And so, my colleague and I were both heading home to Dakota stn and I've made some calculation of stops and turns out if I take to Bishan, the MRT will make 2 less stops than making the interchange at Dhoby Gaut. But bumping into that friend at the station, we were discussing on which route will be better when another chipped in to have us take different routes to find that out. And so we took on the challenge, me to Bishan and he to Dhoby Gaut.
Its interesting how the circle line gives us an additional option to travel point to point, yet makes travelling so complicated as another commented there is not one direct route to a location anymore.
Turns out that I lost, as although the Bishan route takes two less stops, the in-between travelling time, (esp the Bishan - x - Serangoon) is longer.
Hence, take the Dhoby route!
Monday, January 16, 2012
And I thought ..
Last year was bad..
With all the, "solve this for ops mgr or proj will not move!"
To, "they dun do then who do? we need the asset to do our test!"
But this year, following all rules and regs. Being so obedient to mgt's expectations, i feel that i've done so much more in the past two months than the past year. That's what I got from trying to write my SAF - staff appraisal form.
But no, its not cos the things closer are clearer in my mind. I have been noting my daily tasks for the year and really, i've basically been doing inconclusive tasks for the past year as compared to now. and also, of course having to do alot more now too cos my HCD puts simply "I cant find anyone to hire" what can I say?
And finally i've reached the phase past what my colleagues have been experiencing since the day i joined - 'i want to quit'.
With all the, "solve this for ops mgr or proj will not move!"
To, "they dun do then who do? we need the asset to do our test!"
But this year, following all rules and regs. Being so obedient to mgt's expectations, i feel that i've done so much more in the past two months than the past year. That's what I got from trying to write my SAF - staff appraisal form.
But no, its not cos the things closer are clearer in my mind. I have been noting my daily tasks for the year and really, i've basically been doing inconclusive tasks for the past year as compared to now. and also, of course having to do alot more now too cos my HCD puts simply "I cant find anyone to hire" what can I say?
And finally i've reached the phase past what my colleagues have been experiencing since the day i joined - 'i want to quit'.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
I believe in Providence...
It's Christmas. No better day to remember Providence.
I believe in Providence, so much so that I abhor how men are such control freaks. Controlling the time they go to the bus stop according to the next bus arrival information, controlling every second of their lives witn the gazillion information available (traffic jam - change routes, mrt accident - change plans, weather report - adjust travel plans).
I wonder how many pple still live in the moment, still live to see surprises and still live to allow for Providence?
Providence is, not asking your colleagues to wait you out for lunch, not arranging to meet anyone, but bump into the very person you've been hoping to lunch with for eons.
Providence is, you were supposed to go to the MRT but discovered the downpour out there and head towards a taxi stand, enroute seeing an old friend and sitting down there and then to catch up.
Providence is, waiting at your hotel room for your boss to finish her phone call, and opening the hotel door as the voices outside sounded familiar and discovering your secondary schoolmate.
This is how amazing Providence is.
God Bless us all, a Merry Christmas.
I believe in Providence, so much so that I abhor how men are such control freaks. Controlling the time they go to the bus stop according to the next bus arrival information, controlling every second of their lives witn the gazillion information available (traffic jam - change routes, mrt accident - change plans, weather report - adjust travel plans).
I wonder how many pple still live in the moment, still live to see surprises and still live to allow for Providence?
Providence is, not asking your colleagues to wait you out for lunch, not arranging to meet anyone, but bump into the very person you've been hoping to lunch with for eons.
Providence is, you were supposed to go to the MRT but discovered the downpour out there and head towards a taxi stand, enroute seeing an old friend and sitting down there and then to catch up.
Providence is, waiting at your hotel room for your boss to finish her phone call, and opening the hotel door as the voices outside sounded familiar and discovering your secondary schoolmate.
This is how amazing Providence is.
God Bless us all, a Merry Christmas.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
"I can't believe some pple can be so disorganised!"
Do you know what a best friend's response to this exclamation is?
"Haiz, you're thinking about _____ (him) again?"
This is reading-thoughts to the highest realm. And she says its normal. Even her supervisor can tell. - I don't believe.
In any case, Wicked is GOOD. Is an understatement.
Its the one and only musical that gives humans an euphoria post watching that even someone who doesn't understand English will get. The songs, the emotions, the costume, the crescendo gives it all the Wicked Flavour.
Cos watching from afar really doesn't put you into situation as quickly as downstairs does. We concluded its more worth it to buy front row stall tickets even if it burns 200bucks from our pockets. (And she says 300 bucks per month to drive a car is a waste cos she can use it to shop alot, then again, she spent 300 on two pairs of shoes today! :P Ironicality to the max.)
"Haiz, you're thinking about _____ (him) again?"
This is reading-thoughts to the highest realm. And she says its normal. Even her supervisor can tell. - I don't believe.
In any case, Wicked is GOOD. Is an understatement.
Its the one and only musical that gives humans an euphoria post watching that even someone who doesn't understand English will get. The songs, the emotions, the costume, the crescendo gives it all the Wicked Flavour.
Cos watching from afar really doesn't put you into situation as quickly as downstairs does. We concluded its more worth it to buy front row stall tickets even if it burns 200bucks from our pockets. (And she says 300 bucks per month to drive a car is a waste cos she can use it to shop alot, then again, she spent 300 on two pairs of shoes today! :P Ironicality to the max.)
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Komawoyo...
I'm in deep gratitude.. For your putting up with my nonsense.
I know times are tough, even for you and me. I know I've been so snappy, yet you put up with it all. I know I can be so demanding, so difficult, I'm surprised you put up with me. Thank you, its a difficult period, but you don't have to understand. Even though you don't understand, you put up with me. Thank you.
Yes, surviving is hard. Decisions are hard. And you are feeling the crunch. You're working so hard, its really rather encouraging. With help around you, you work. You fight despite the feeling of being left behind. Despite behind thrown shit, you wade through it silently. Keeping as much complain in as possible. Thank you.
And the cheerful princess. Thank you too! Komawoyo... for sharing, for identifying, for building this strong fortress together, this strength, with it, we survive. Komawoyo!!!
And you, even though you're leaving, thank you for making it so soft. Thank you for sharing and thank you too for identifying. We are so glad, I am so glad of your happiness. Wish you all the best, do not look back. Its trash around here. But we will tidy it up. We won't let ourselves down.
Komawoyo!
And Miyanae. I've been so snappy. It helps to snap around, but its greater help that you all put it up. The lavendar scent was really spirit lifting. Sorry, and thank you very much!
Let us all pull through this difficult times together...
I know times are tough, even for you and me. I know I've been so snappy, yet you put up with it all. I know I can be so demanding, so difficult, I'm surprised you put up with me. Thank you, its a difficult period, but you don't have to understand. Even though you don't understand, you put up with me. Thank you.
Yes, surviving is hard. Decisions are hard. And you are feeling the crunch. You're working so hard, its really rather encouraging. With help around you, you work. You fight despite the feeling of being left behind. Despite behind thrown shit, you wade through it silently. Keeping as much complain in as possible. Thank you.
And the cheerful princess. Thank you too! Komawoyo... for sharing, for identifying, for building this strong fortress together, this strength, with it, we survive. Komawoyo!!!
And you, even though you're leaving, thank you for making it so soft. Thank you for sharing and thank you too for identifying. We are so glad, I am so glad of your happiness. Wish you all the best, do not look back. Its trash around here. But we will tidy it up. We won't let ourselves down.
Komawoyo!
And Miyanae. I've been so snappy. It helps to snap around, but its greater help that you all put it up. The lavendar scent was really spirit lifting. Sorry, and thank you very much!
Let us all pull through this difficult times together...
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