Swan Lake by The Bolshoi...

I was actually feeling very lazy to blog this, but "God Never Blinks" suggested I keep writing.. so here it is...

This is the second time a performance touched me to tears. The previous time was in Russia itself, a competition performance by a group of Bassoonists on the Brandenburg Concerto. But this time, it wasn't just music, it was the art of the body, the BALLET, that moved me to tears.

The first act where the two ladies, Friends of the Prince, were playing with Prince Seigfried. They danced in so lively, with smiles, just the way anyone could possibly enjoy dancing. The Russians really know their art. They're so immaculate, every part of their body is angled perfectly, every first position at 30 degrees from the torso, the temps leve goes to the exact width apart. I was reminded of the Hermitage, the art of porcelain 'painted' drawings on the tabletop. The Russians are really into their art.

Touching stories don't really move me to tears, but perfectionism in artistry does. I was really lucky I got Ekaterina Krysanova for Odile-Odette. Her Aura more than makes up for her lack of flirt with Seigfried. Grigorovich's updated choreography of the ballet didn't mean for them to flirt anyway. I've watched Swan Lake performed by different troupes and this, this Odile-Odette, trumps all the rest. She has no need for energy. Every muscle in her body exhudes grace. Every Odette I've watched angles their arms the same feathery way, but Krysanova's somehow hid the Aura of the Swan in within. Something you see the same, but feel different. This is what is so awesome.

I guess, having started ballet once again helps me appreciate even more thoroughly. Its not the movements that are hard, its the stills. When the swans stay still, that's the hardest part. And the hardest movements yet, Four Swans. Oh my goodness, the all familiar tune, yet Four Swans added the magic to the tune with their precisely coordinated movements, mind you, even their EYEs were coordinated. Never, never before have I seen such coordination. I don't even think the Kremlin guards can march in such appalling unison.

Talking about swans, there is nothing in the ballet that cannot claim credit for. The black swans were dark, sinister, yet they showcased perfect combinations. In this case, it wasn't just unity, their formations were precise, their V-shaped dances were impossibly touching with perfection. Not to lose out, the white swans were given the honour to induce immense peace with their movements all across the stage. The whites covered the entire stage and sprinkled it with peace, grace and beauty, overflowing into us audience.

The Straits Times review were critical on the choreography, I'm not so sure it deserved such criticisms. For a ballet so well-known, so mature, we're not so into the flirty chase anymore. Grigorovich has given the substance its maturity required. He showed us ballet and pushed the grace of it onto us audience. This is an art that feeds the soul.

Stress is GOOD

Well, the last week of the semester. I couldn't sleep last night. Maybe I managed to fall asleep when it started raining at 7am. But I had lesson at noon, so didn't sleep much. But here I am, still awake, 12 hours later, putting my thoughts into this blog.

Stress is GOOD. This semester, I have experienced stress levels never reached in the past five years. I cannot recall beyond the past five years how life was like. Maybe worse, maybe better. But let's leave that for a discussion in the future.

The stress was rather consistent. Not constant, but consistent. Constant is like, imagine a graph with y and x-axis. Then draw a horizontal line across in the middle of the graph. That's constant. Consistent, simple. Just imagine a Tangent graph. Lol. Not sine, not cosine, but Tangent. It peaks (to INFINITY) but it drops. So there's breather in this very stressful semester. But the stress peaks to INFINITY. You know, INFINITY, rotate the roman number 8 90 degrees. Left or right doesn't matter.

Okay, so why Stress is GOOD. Firstly, having been reaching the realms of relaxation, in Swiss, in X, in Bali, in Yogya, in Ubud, in Boracay, this stark contrasts actually forces me to re-evaluate items of my life that might not be so efficient. Or ideal.

Take dressmaking for example. It forces the issue of the inefficiency of the dressmaking school. How I can get so irritated due to the lack of focus from the teachers (as they are distracted by other students) and they miss out instructions on my sewing such that I have to redo multiple times. And sometimes there happen to be occasions I just sit at the centre waiting for my turn for the teacher to assess my work such that I can move on in my coursework. This is all okay when I have too much time to spare previously. Now that school stresses me out, I am forced to reevaluate their teachings. No matter, I learn very important design techniques and ideas from them to do fashion design. Unless I find an alternative way, i can only persist. But I will search for alternatives.

On another note, I learnt how much ballet meant to me. How it helped to strengthen my physical health, helping me cope with the stresses of life with a stronger body. It's awesome! Really.

And of course, most importantly, it is the stress that helps me learn even better. The stress that motivates me to improve and the stress that pressurises me to find the most efficient and creatively resolve any issues I face. Can you imagine, after a stressful 12 weeks and going, I'm still saying stress is good. It has done me well. Maybe, caused a few pounds, but that's a good thing too isn't it? ;P

I cannot fall asleep

And I know why.. I'm just too angry. I was really angry with my project mate and gave her a watered down version of a dressing down. I mean, like a kid. It happens to me all the time I get angry and have no choice but to resolve it by scolding some ppl. I gave the boy project mate an even more watered down version than hers on Tues and it worked. I guess there can be other ways, but its just not my style.

Getting angry at ppl is harmful for me, yet this is the best I can control. Already a much improved version, I'm ok once I've scolded sense into them and we move on. But for the night that I do so, I cannot sleep.

So this is the me. The me that was hidden in the sheltered working environment. The me that Coach wanted myself to find. But what next? He says to focus on the ppl I can work with. Not ppl who has no sense of criticality, and expectations and requirements. A 30 year old and a 22 year old. Both manifest similar attitudes. Its the attitude that I cannot work with. They're great humans.

Jia you Yan Jun.

Getting to know you...

Getting to know all, about you..

When I am with you,
Getting to know what to say.

How much you've grown dear,
From the last time you've been here.
You may have changed but,
Definitely for the better.
Knowing that you are stronger,
That's a good sign.

Getting to know you...
Getting to know all, about you..
As you grow older,
Getting to know what to be.

A little shyness,
You may be introverted.
That's all alright dear,
You, have done it well for sure.
There's nothing wrong to be silent,
 Keep smiling there.

Getting to know you...
Getting to know all, about you..
When you feel frightened,
Think about all your fears.

Your very strength is,
In all these adaptations.
You get your way as,
Your confidence is so certain.
It's alright, be insistent,
Just be yourself.

Angry

Omg, I feel myself boiling! To what I do not even know, I didn't know in the first place.

I'm now angry at someone whom I tried to talk to, who kept stereotyping me to "don't treat everyone like your life partner". I'm like, WTF! Sigh, but who can I blame? I chose to talk to that someone, who just failed to properly comprehend what I was experiencing.

I hate it that sometimes I let ppl's view cause me to question myself. Do I treat everyone like my life partner?! Stupid. F.

I mean, c'mon la, decently I have to respect each and every human. And its only right that I care for my friends the way I expect myself to. I don't expect them to do the same in return. Ok, maybe, I guess I want to treat everyone the same, so probably my life partner will also experience the same. WTF. SO WHAT IF I TREAT EVERYONE LIKE MY LIFE PARTNER!?

But really, this was not the root cause of the thing. I talked to him really because I was questioning my own personality. Why do I dislike crowds? Then another someone mentioned, is there any other horoscope that likes crowds? *shrugs*

I know its not good to pull the Libra thing out, but it does have some grounding. Libra likes to be fair and in a group situation there's no way to fairly allocate 'talk time' to each and everyone, so libra gets uncomfortable at those who don't get 'talk time'. In short, I just want to complain that I hate ppl who hog conversations in a big group. -GIRLS- but I'm not one of the two/four.

So this something made me uncomfortable. But I dunno what made me angry. I mean, look, we're free, we want to chill out, and because NO ONE wants to take the initiative, we just all go home? Seriously! I don't understand. The stupid question of where to next was posed a million times and NOBODY at all wants to accept suggestions. I DON'T UNDERSTAND! Between me and my good friend, in any such situation, we'd find somewhere. So I just don't understand. I guess, some ppl just live a passerby life. I'm so glad my inner circle doesn't. Or at least they appear so.

Reminder to YJ come Dec 2014

Information gain is good for health.
But the way the school system goes is just not suitable for you.
Learn like in dressmaking,
At your own pace, in comfort, you ace.

Tide thru this school year,
Stress not and don't fear.
While work life regains,
Knowledge thirst should remain.

Find other ways and means,
To move towards your dream.
Coursera is one avenue,
Leverage on it you should.

Tread the Internet, the library,
Continue learning and revising.
Masters isn't an end,
Its a means to the beginning.

To someone I'm not sure if I should speak..

Ever since I've started school,
Recollections surfaced like a brew.
The same school and same canteen,
Where every classroom holds memories.
Familiar lecturers and same old menu,
Now seem so strange as I start anew.

This time round things have changed,
My attachments and thoughts no longer the same.
Its now not strange to eat alone,
At the seats where I listened to friends joke.
It is neither strange to find me raise,
My hands and question in good faith.

Returning to a place with a brand new soul,
A soul that trained at this same place.

The soul now that was part of the us,
Was once so difficult to stay in class.
This soul that watched and memorised,
A part of the us that excelled in learning.

I want to tell you I now understand,
The stress of learning you never shared.
I feel that soul inside of me,
Picked up the feelings of your being.
I could almost feel you in the class,
Where I asked questions you would ask.

I know now why you were missing,
As I am missing now from my life.
I feel now what you experienced,
A humble student yearning for more.
Absorbing the vast library of knowledge,
I know now where your soul was.