I think I took on some of myhusband's habits. ..

Like they tend to say that husbands and wives grow to become like each other I totally think I took on some of my husband habits, knowingly or unknowingly.

One of which is the tendency for privacy. I distinctly recall how open I was with everyone and everything. But now, it's all on a need to know basis. Partially something I learnt from my masters in computer security, but certainly wouldnt practice it if not for the hubby.

He's going for blackhat at las vegas. Guess what? We backed up all our devices, ready to 'clean' them once we're back. Unbelievable. I wouldn't imagine doing this if I were by myself.

What I need to do. .

Looking back on the days before my bout of flu sore throat cough, I realised I've been living too hard. I want to enjoy life, do well in my job, be a great wife, a good daughter in law, sister in law and of course a good daughter - in no particular priority. That said, I probably should start imposing some priority on those items, although some items have already been naturally prioritised, if you know what I mean.

Living too hard really. The body needs rest. MY body, especially, NEEDS REST. There's no need to hit a new cafe every week. In fact, I think most days should be spent at home, unless going out for exercise. All days should be spent giving the body the most pampered treatment. One shouldn't go shopping when tired. There's no need to look for the most delicious restaurant when you just need to eat and go home Sleep.

Of course, there's a whole lot of caveats to the above. When out, you need to look for the most inexpensive eating option. Need not be something new, but should be inexpensive at least. That requires some degree of prior research if in an unfamiliar place. I'd say, always plan to go home for dinner. We're already forced to eat out fives days lunch a week.

That said, a lifestyle change should be in effect after I return from Vegas. Good luck to me.

My expectations have increased. ..

And I thought I preferred to work with hardworking people as opposed to lazy but smart people as it is easier to understand if hardworking people have put in their best but hard to come to terms with smart people who refuse to work hard.

But this episode made me realise there's a limit to working with good people who are not so capable as opposed to not so tactful people who are capable. I realised I've reached a stage where I get irritated by people who simply cannot be efficient in the way they work. They simply fail to realise their priorities well.

How do I tell the big boss that I want to work with people who are good at their staff work?

First time in my life...

I want to quit for real. Not because I'm curious about the world out there, not because I have an unethical boss, but really because I cannot find a sense of worth at work.

I'm sure its both ways. The job makes it hard for me to find a sense of worth, myself not inspired by this job leading to a lack of sense of worth. I can see myself contributing bits and pieces, but none are valuable. That is, they could well do without me.

These are the days I need to learn to bite my teeth through. I will grow out of it stronger.

I probably need a good read..

I've never felt so disturbed for a long time. I recall those difficult nights in M&S, pin pointing the root of the problem to work ethics of my immediate supervisor. Now, the root of the problem is the world's root problem, Singapore's root problem - lack of engineering staff.

My team is made up of inexperienced engineers. I guess they are experienced in their own ways, but not for the job scope that is required in the project. I feel this episode is probably the driving force for me to move towards what I'm really meant to do. What I'm really passionate for. For a long time, I couldn't be sure if I'm really passionate towards Cyber Security, even now, I'm still withholding myself from saying that. But it seems everytime I struggle with my work, I think that I'd want to try out Cyber. Seemingly, there's just something over there that I did not complete. Something over there I'm supposed to do but never got down to doing it.

So much so I'm losing sleep. I have work tmr but I just cant get to sleep. omg. I wish I could fall asleep.

2015 caught up with me!

I guess its just part of me to enjoy cafe life so much. Just spent my PM-leave at Pick Me Up with mummy as hubby is on ICT.

My priority in life now, I suppose is finding time. That is, trying to move from far away Pasir Ris to Tanjong Pagar so that I can gain about another hour at home everyday.

It was a difficult decision, the cost contributing to the difficult in a big part. I had to rationalise between spending eons travelling from Pasir Ris to Bukit Merah to and fro and the wholly 438 grand. Well, the thing is, we've been liquidating x amounts daily for the UberX commute to work daily. And guess what, it takes almost as much time by UberX than on bus-mrt-bus. The saving grace is just that I get to avoid the heinuous crowd. Ok, sorry I'm exaggerating, the scary crowd. I've had a difficult time adapting to the commute, and each try at adapting damages the psychological/emotional well-being. I guess the hubby just couldn't bear to force me to squeeze with the crowd. So if you compare liquidating x amounts on UberX and investing that 438 grand for greater comfort, financially, the decision is clear.

I digress. I meant to investigate why I enjoy the cafe life so much. Its the joy of being out in the afternoon, being able to sit around without a care for time that comes with cafe life that I like. Of course, not to mention good food and awesome beverages. That's just part of enjoying life. Not a care in the world.

Ever since I got married, it got difficult to find time for that. In fact, I never had the chance to feel bored sitting at home alone anymore. Although not bored, but I still put in efforts in search of good cafes to go to. I still treasure and look forward to each cafe visit. Even a quick trip to the cafe at Bedok Reservoir, running all the way from Pasir Ris to Loystel's in Lavender was worth the efforts. Not forgetting to mention our quick escape to Lady M at Orchard Central, simply for the space of it, they have some really awesome layout there!

Reminiscing the year past...

The thing hanging on my mind now, is that if you've been doing things mostly right, providence will have it that things will happen right for you.

As much as I've played too hard this Christmas, probably need to work harder next year, I'm reminded very much how my priority is to take care of my health and my family's health foremost. Next comes my friends, my dearest, keeping the relationships healthy.

Well, its been a great year, having learnt so much in school, fell so deeply in love and then becoming a part of my husband's family. Not to mention the many challenges at work, which in my previous posts I have put secondary priority to life. Of course, I will do my best still, but health, family, friends, always first in my heart.

I'm so glad for the great year, it wasn't easy, but all I managed to overcome. I seek to become a better me as I face challenges ahead, I pray for providence to show me what's right as always.

I shall live life to what I believe is right: the fullest.

Will be travelling to Hiroshima for the new year, therefore, putting these thoughts down before 2015 catches up with me. ;)

Happy New Year!!!!