I don't even want to talk to my best friend.
Ultimate desolation.
So last week I was critiqued for not having emotional independence. I thought I wanted to keep this record as a good reminder for myself, although I hope I never need to refer to it. I guess firstly there are just things that don't work. I try to be kind and reason with myself, "you don't want to worry your friends". So I try to manage my predicament, how tough it may be. But no I guess, as much as I try to push myself, as much as I focus on keeping a good health, studying somehow, has this amazing magic to invoke the darkest thoughts and emotions and I guess it all adds up to fear within myself.
So ok, how to cope? Talk I guess, talk to pple. Just let it out. But only to those you're comfortable with. I guess the impetus of being critiqued for the lack of emotional independence spans from the thought that there will be times where "those I'm comfortable with" are just not available. That I may crash. But importantly, I guess I can only remind myself, that I can only be my best. If I'm not capable of emotional independence, so be it. Why incur additional stress trying so.
CONFIDENCE. I guess this needs to be built. Confidence that I can manage school isn't something I can convince myself. Not sure if my friends could, although I don't think they tried. My coach put all his confidence in me though. Something that gives me comfort in dire times. But such thoughts will not get me through my assignments. I need to gather the confidence. From reading more. Besides believing in myself.
Balance. This is inevitable. I try to balance without sacrificing too much. This is hard. Its hard to stay focused on my assignment. Its just too stressful having to sit in front of the computer and expect myself to type out the assignment. So I need to balance. I need to take breathers. I dunno. I'm out of energy. Out of positive energy. (Where did all the positive energy of the past fives years disappear to!?)
1 comment:
I think you've misunderstood what emotional independence means. It definitely does not mean cooping up your emotions and pretending that everything is ok. I think there are 2 main ways of coping with negative emotions, either let it out or let it go. Most people find it hard to let go, so they let out instead. Letting out can involve other people, but it can also be a solitary activity, such as playing the piano, or playing computer games. And, even when other people are involved, it can be done in ways where the other people do not feel like you're just tossing your burden onto their shoulders. You actually manage things fine most of the time, but once in a while you don't, and those are the times when someone should scold you.
People don't worry when you have problems. After all, no one has no problems. People start worrying when you don't seem to be able to cope with your problems.
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