I have been musing about whether mothers should stay home to care for their little children and to provide them the comfort they require as little ones. There are many examples where children who grew up at home with mothers turn out less irritable and more amiable than kids raised in factory-like childcare centres. However, deeper thought into this made me question myself, if mothers who stay home really make better kids. That is to say, do these children grow up to become better adults although there can be a significant difference when they are young. A further thought on that, irritable kids learn from being bad, they learn from the reactions of others around them to become better adults. Wouldn't that be more effective learning than amiable kids?
The quick answer to that is, give the child the best childcare you can. You don't want to regret not trying your best. Nobody regrets trying their best. That is, nobody goes, I should've neglected my child so that he would learn what is bad more effectively. There is no need for a child to be bad to know what is bad. In fact, as adults we often see bad examples everywhere we start wondering what is GOOD?
That said, the best childcare need not require the mother to be at home all day. In fact, if you're going to be a bad mother, maybe its better to leave your child at the day care centre. The expertise at the day care could be better than a lousy mother. I'm exaggerating, as there really is no bad mother in this world. Every mother loves her child and her love can only be good, most of the time. So the best childcare is really what a parent can offer given his/her circumstances.
What then, makes a best childcare? With much musing, my friends and I concluded that confidence within a child is the result of best childcare. Does your child have the confidence to let go of your hand after you bring him to the playground and start making friends with strangers? Does your child have the confidence to perform his grade 1 piano piece to his teacher's students who are up to the Diploma standard?
How then can we build confidence in a child? Intuitively, the comfort of knowing that he is well-taken care of makes a confident child. That is why many stay-at-home mothers make better children. Yet, that is not all. Words of encouragement are critical, thence, the very disruptive pampering of grandparents can actually give a child confidence. Still, all must be done in moderation. A child too proud of himself may impede his own learning progress or social skills.
The best childcare do make better adults. Think of it this way, a child learns the most, the fastest when he is child. Adults do not pick things up as fast and takes very long to unlearn things too. Therefore, we want to give the child our best, the best available for him so that he will grow up to become a good adult. We want to treasure every single moment of his childhood, that is why many adults send their children to ballet, painting, gymnastics, riding, swimming and many other classes.
In general, adults are doing it right. They are giving their little loved ones the best they can imagine. There are many things adults can do better and can learn to do better. Critically, whether you are stay-at-home, part-time, or working mother, give your child your best. What you can give, you would, and please do as they grow too fast for you to catch up.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
I was reading my horoscope..
And was giggling at how lame but true it is..
LIBRA - The Lame One (September 23 to October 22) Nice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, funny and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying. Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Very creative. A hopeless romantic.
LIBRA - The Lame One (September 23 to October 22) Nice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, funny and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying. Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Very creative. A hopeless romantic.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?
What happened to the strong little girl?
Where did the demanding princess disappear to?
A semester so tumultous,
Drains one of energy excesses.
Fears went unanswered,
As calls of distress went unheard.
As every drip of energy gathered,
Evaporates in difficult times.
And every support soul found,
Was busy and tightly wound.
How can souls be so cold,
What are such friends for?
Only a friend to the strength,
But deeply wounds the frail.
When will you return my dear?
The independent soul so precious.
Where did the demanding princess disappear to?
A semester so tumultous,
Drains one of energy excesses.
Fears went unanswered,
As calls of distress went unheard.
As every drip of energy gathered,
Evaporates in difficult times.
And every support soul found,
Was busy and tightly wound.
How can souls be so cold,
What are such friends for?
Only a friend to the strength,
But deeply wounds the frail.
When will you return my dear?
The independent soul so precious.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Swan Lake by The Bolshoi...
I was actually feeling very lazy to blog this, but "God Never Blinks" suggested I keep writing.. so here it is...
This is the second time a performance touched me to tears. The previous time was in Russia itself, a competition performance by a group of Bassoonists on the Brandenburg Concerto. But this time, it wasn't just music, it was the art of the body, the BALLET, that moved me to tears.
The first act where the two ladies, Friends of the Prince, were playing with Prince Seigfried. They danced in so lively, with smiles, just the way anyone could possibly enjoy dancing. The Russians really know their art. They're so immaculate, every part of their body is angled perfectly, every first position at 30 degrees from the torso, the temps leve goes to the exact width apart. I was reminded of the Hermitage, the art of porcelain 'painted' drawings on the tabletop. The Russians are really into their art.
Touching stories don't really move me to tears, but perfectionism in artistry does. I was really lucky I got Ekaterina Krysanova for Odile-Odette. Her Aura more than makes up for her lack of flirt with Seigfried. Grigorovich's updated choreography of the ballet didn't mean for them to flirt anyway. I've watched Swan Lake performed by different troupes and this, this Odile-Odette, trumps all the rest. She has no need for energy. Every muscle in her body exhudes grace. Every Odette I've watched angles their arms the same feathery way, but Krysanova's somehow hid the Aura of the Swan in within. Something you see the same, but feel different. This is what is so awesome.
I guess, having started ballet once again helps me appreciate even more thoroughly. Its not the movements that are hard, its the stills. When the swans stay still, that's the hardest part. And the hardest movements yet, Four Swans. Oh my goodness, the all familiar tune, yet Four Swans added the magic to the tune with their precisely coordinated movements, mind you, even their EYEs were coordinated. Never, never before have I seen such coordination. I don't even think the Kremlin guards can march in such appalling unison.
Talking about swans, there is nothing in the ballet that cannot claim credit for. The black swans were dark, sinister, yet they showcased perfect combinations. In this case, it wasn't just unity, their formations were precise, their V-shaped dances were impossibly touching with perfection. Not to lose out, the white swans were given the honour to induce immense peace with their movements all across the stage. The whites covered the entire stage and sprinkled it with peace, grace and beauty, overflowing into us audience.
The Straits Times review were critical on the choreography, I'm not so sure it deserved such criticisms. For a ballet so well-known, so mature, we're not so into the flirty chase anymore. Grigorovich has given the substance its maturity required. He showed us ballet and pushed the grace of it onto us audience. This is an art that feeds the soul.
This is the second time a performance touched me to tears. The previous time was in Russia itself, a competition performance by a group of Bassoonists on the Brandenburg Concerto. But this time, it wasn't just music, it was the art of the body, the BALLET, that moved me to tears.
The first act where the two ladies, Friends of the Prince, were playing with Prince Seigfried. They danced in so lively, with smiles, just the way anyone could possibly enjoy dancing. The Russians really know their art. They're so immaculate, every part of their body is angled perfectly, every first position at 30 degrees from the torso, the temps leve goes to the exact width apart. I was reminded of the Hermitage, the art of porcelain 'painted' drawings on the tabletop. The Russians are really into their art.
Touching stories don't really move me to tears, but perfectionism in artistry does. I was really lucky I got Ekaterina Krysanova for Odile-Odette. Her Aura more than makes up for her lack of flirt with Seigfried. Grigorovich's updated choreography of the ballet didn't mean for them to flirt anyway. I've watched Swan Lake performed by different troupes and this, this Odile-Odette, trumps all the rest. She has no need for energy. Every muscle in her body exhudes grace. Every Odette I've watched angles their arms the same feathery way, but Krysanova's somehow hid the Aura of the Swan in within. Something you see the same, but feel different. This is what is so awesome.
I guess, having started ballet once again helps me appreciate even more thoroughly. Its not the movements that are hard, its the stills. When the swans stay still, that's the hardest part. And the hardest movements yet, Four Swans. Oh my goodness, the all familiar tune, yet Four Swans added the magic to the tune with their precisely coordinated movements, mind you, even their EYEs were coordinated. Never, never before have I seen such coordination. I don't even think the Kremlin guards can march in such appalling unison.
Talking about swans, there is nothing in the ballet that cannot claim credit for. The black swans were dark, sinister, yet they showcased perfect combinations. In this case, it wasn't just unity, their formations were precise, their V-shaped dances were impossibly touching with perfection. Not to lose out, the white swans were given the honour to induce immense peace with their movements all across the stage. The whites covered the entire stage and sprinkled it with peace, grace and beauty, overflowing into us audience.
The Straits Times review were critical on the choreography, I'm not so sure it deserved such criticisms. For a ballet so well-known, so mature, we're not so into the flirty chase anymore. Grigorovich has given the substance its maturity required. He showed us ballet and pushed the grace of it onto us audience. This is an art that feeds the soul.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Stress is GOOD
Well, the last week of the semester. I couldn't sleep last night. Maybe I managed to fall asleep when it started raining at 7am. But I had lesson at noon, so didn't sleep much. But here I am, still awake, 12 hours later, putting my thoughts into this blog.
Stress is GOOD. This semester, I have experienced stress levels never reached in the past five years. I cannot recall beyond the past five years how life was like. Maybe worse, maybe better. But let's leave that for a discussion in the future.
The stress was rather consistent. Not constant, but consistent. Constant is like, imagine a graph with y and x-axis. Then draw a horizontal line across in the middle of the graph. That's constant. Consistent, simple. Just imagine a Tangent graph. Lol. Not sine, not cosine, but Tangent. It peaks (to INFINITY) but it drops. So there's breather in this very stressful semester. But the stress peaks to INFINITY. You know, INFINITY, rotate the roman number 8 90 degrees. Left or right doesn't matter.
Okay, so why Stress is GOOD. Firstly, having been reaching the realms of relaxation, in Swiss, in X, in Bali, in Yogya, in Ubud, in Boracay, this stark contrasts actually forces me to re-evaluate items of my life that might not be so efficient. Or ideal.
Take dressmaking for example. It forces the issue of the inefficiency of the dressmaking school. How I can get so irritated due to the lack of focus from the teachers (as they are distracted by other students) and they miss out instructions on my sewing such that I have to redo multiple times. And sometimes there happen to be occasions I just sit at the centre waiting for my turn for the teacher to assess my work such that I can move on in my coursework. This is all okay when I have too much time to spare previously. Now that school stresses me out, I am forced to reevaluate their teachings. No matter, I learn very important design techniques and ideas from them to do fashion design. Unless I find an alternative way, i can only persist. But I will search for alternatives.
On another note, I learnt how much ballet meant to me. How it helped to strengthen my physical health, helping me cope with the stresses of life with a stronger body. It's awesome! Really.
And of course, most importantly, it is the stress that helps me learn even better. The stress that motivates me to improve and the stress that pressurises me to find the most efficient and creatively resolve any issues I face. Can you imagine, after a stressful 12 weeks and going, I'm still saying stress is good. It has done me well. Maybe, caused a few pounds, but that's a good thing too isn't it? ;P
Stress is GOOD. This semester, I have experienced stress levels never reached in the past five years. I cannot recall beyond the past five years how life was like. Maybe worse, maybe better. But let's leave that for a discussion in the future.
The stress was rather consistent. Not constant, but consistent. Constant is like, imagine a graph with y and x-axis. Then draw a horizontal line across in the middle of the graph. That's constant. Consistent, simple. Just imagine a Tangent graph. Lol. Not sine, not cosine, but Tangent. It peaks (to INFINITY) but it drops. So there's breather in this very stressful semester. But the stress peaks to INFINITY. You know, INFINITY, rotate the roman number 8 90 degrees. Left or right doesn't matter.
Okay, so why Stress is GOOD. Firstly, having been reaching the realms of relaxation, in Swiss, in X, in Bali, in Yogya, in Ubud, in Boracay, this stark contrasts actually forces me to re-evaluate items of my life that might not be so efficient. Or ideal.
Take dressmaking for example. It forces the issue of the inefficiency of the dressmaking school. How I can get so irritated due to the lack of focus from the teachers (as they are distracted by other students) and they miss out instructions on my sewing such that I have to redo multiple times. And sometimes there happen to be occasions I just sit at the centre waiting for my turn for the teacher to assess my work such that I can move on in my coursework. This is all okay when I have too much time to spare previously. Now that school stresses me out, I am forced to reevaluate their teachings. No matter, I learn very important design techniques and ideas from them to do fashion design. Unless I find an alternative way, i can only persist. But I will search for alternatives.
On another note, I learnt how much ballet meant to me. How it helped to strengthen my physical health, helping me cope with the stresses of life with a stronger body. It's awesome! Really.
And of course, most importantly, it is the stress that helps me learn even better. The stress that motivates me to improve and the stress that pressurises me to find the most efficient and creatively resolve any issues I face. Can you imagine, after a stressful 12 weeks and going, I'm still saying stress is good. It has done me well. Maybe, caused a few pounds, but that's a good thing too isn't it? ;P
Friday, October 18, 2013
I cannot fall asleep
And I know why.. I'm just too angry. I was really angry with my project mate and gave her a watered down version of a dressing down. I mean, like a kid. It happens to me all the time I get angry and have no choice but to resolve it by scolding some ppl. I gave the boy project mate an even more watered down version than hers on Tues and it worked. I guess there can be other ways, but its just not my style.
Getting angry at ppl is harmful for me, yet this is the best I can control. Already a much improved version, I'm ok once I've scolded sense into them and we move on. But for the night that I do so, I cannot sleep.
So this is the me. The me that was hidden in the sheltered working environment. The me that Coach wanted myself to find. But what next? He says to focus on the ppl I can work with. Not ppl who has no sense of criticality, and expectations and requirements. A 30 year old and a 22 year old. Both manifest similar attitudes. Its the attitude that I cannot work with. They're great humans.
Jia you Yan Jun.
Getting angry at ppl is harmful for me, yet this is the best I can control. Already a much improved version, I'm ok once I've scolded sense into them and we move on. But for the night that I do so, I cannot sleep.
So this is the me. The me that was hidden in the sheltered working environment. The me that Coach wanted myself to find. But what next? He says to focus on the ppl I can work with. Not ppl who has no sense of criticality, and expectations and requirements. A 30 year old and a 22 year old. Both manifest similar attitudes. Its the attitude that I cannot work with. They're great humans.
Jia you Yan Jun.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Getting to know you...
Getting to know all, about you..
When I am with you,
Getting to know what to say.
How much you've grown dear,
From the last time you've been here.
You may have changed but,
Definitely for the better.
Knowing that you are stronger,
That's a good sign.
Getting to know you...
Getting to know all, about you..
As you grow older,
Getting to know what to be.
A little shyness,
You may be introverted.
That's all alright dear,
You, have done it well for sure.
There's nothing wrong to be silent,
Keep smiling there.
Getting to know you...
Getting to know all, about you..
When you feel frightened,
Think about all your fears.
Your very strength is,
In all these adaptations.
You get your way as,
Your confidence is so certain.
It's alright, be insistent,
Just be yourself.
When I am with you,
Getting to know what to say.
How much you've grown dear,
From the last time you've been here.
You may have changed but,
Definitely for the better.
Knowing that you are stronger,
That's a good sign.
Getting to know you...
Getting to know all, about you..
As you grow older,
Getting to know what to be.
A little shyness,
You may be introverted.
That's all alright dear,
You, have done it well for sure.
There's nothing wrong to be silent,
Keep smiling there.
Getting to know you...
Getting to know all, about you..
When you feel frightened,
Think about all your fears.
Your very strength is,
In all these adaptations.
You get your way as,
Your confidence is so certain.
It's alright, be insistent,
Just be yourself.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Angry
Omg, I feel myself boiling! To what I do not even know, I didn't know in the first place.
I'm now angry at someone whom I tried to talk to, who kept stereotyping me to "don't treat everyone like your life partner". I'm like, WTF! Sigh, but who can I blame? I chose to talk to that someone, who just failed to properly comprehend what I was experiencing.
I hate it that sometimes I let ppl's view cause me to question myself. Do I treat everyone like my life partner?! Stupid. F.
I mean, c'mon la, decently I have to respect each and every human. And its only right that I care for my friends the way I expect myself to. I don't expect them to do the same in return. Ok, maybe, I guess I want to treat everyone the same, so probably my life partner will also experience the same. WTF. SO WHAT IF I TREAT EVERYONE LIKE MY LIFE PARTNER!?
But really, this was not the root cause of the thing. I talked to him really because I was questioning my own personality. Why do I dislike crowds? Then another someone mentioned, is there any other horoscope that likes crowds? *shrugs*
I know its not good to pull the Libra thing out, but it does have some grounding. Libra likes to be fair and in a group situation there's no way to fairly allocate 'talk time' to each and everyone, so libra gets uncomfortable at those who don't get 'talk time'. In short, I just want to complain that I hate ppl who hog conversations in a big group. -GIRLS- but I'm not one of the two/four.
So this something made me uncomfortable. But I dunno what made me angry. I mean, look, we're free, we want to chill out, and because NO ONE wants to take the initiative, we just all go home? Seriously! I don't understand. The stupid question of where to next was posed a million times and NOBODY at all wants to accept suggestions. I DON'T UNDERSTAND! Between me and my good friend, in any such situation, we'd find somewhere. So I just don't understand. I guess, some ppl just live a passerby life. I'm so glad my inner circle doesn't. Or at least they appear so.
I'm now angry at someone whom I tried to talk to, who kept stereotyping me to "don't treat everyone like your life partner". I'm like, WTF! Sigh, but who can I blame? I chose to talk to that someone, who just failed to properly comprehend what I was experiencing.
I hate it that sometimes I let ppl's view cause me to question myself. Do I treat everyone like my life partner?! Stupid. F.
I mean, c'mon la, decently I have to respect each and every human. And its only right that I care for my friends the way I expect myself to. I don't expect them to do the same in return. Ok, maybe, I guess I want to treat everyone the same, so probably my life partner will also experience the same. WTF. SO WHAT IF I TREAT EVERYONE LIKE MY LIFE PARTNER!?
But really, this was not the root cause of the thing. I talked to him really because I was questioning my own personality. Why do I dislike crowds? Then another someone mentioned, is there any other horoscope that likes crowds? *shrugs*
I know its not good to pull the Libra thing out, but it does have some grounding. Libra likes to be fair and in a group situation there's no way to fairly allocate 'talk time' to each and everyone, so libra gets uncomfortable at those who don't get 'talk time'. In short, I just want to complain that I hate ppl who hog conversations in a big group. -GIRLS- but I'm not one of the two/four.
So this something made me uncomfortable. But I dunno what made me angry. I mean, look, we're free, we want to chill out, and because NO ONE wants to take the initiative, we just all go home? Seriously! I don't understand. The stupid question of where to next was posed a million times and NOBODY at all wants to accept suggestions. I DON'T UNDERSTAND! Between me and my good friend, in any such situation, we'd find somewhere. So I just don't understand. I guess, some ppl just live a passerby life. I'm so glad my inner circle doesn't. Or at least they appear so.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Reminder to YJ come Dec 2014
Information gain is good for health.
But the way the school system goes is just not suitable for you.
Learn like in dressmaking,
At your own pace, in comfort, you ace.
Tide thru this school year,
Stress not and don't fear.
While work life regains,
Knowledge thirst should remain.
Find other ways and means,
To move towards your dream.
Coursera is one avenue,
Leverage on it you should.
Tread the Internet, the library,
Continue learning and revising.
Masters isn't an end,
Its a means to the beginning.
But the way the school system goes is just not suitable for you.
Learn like in dressmaking,
At your own pace, in comfort, you ace.
Tide thru this school year,
Stress not and don't fear.
While work life regains,
Knowledge thirst should remain.
Find other ways and means,
To move towards your dream.
Coursera is one avenue,
Leverage on it you should.
Tread the Internet, the library,
Continue learning and revising.
Masters isn't an end,
Its a means to the beginning.
Friday, September 20, 2013
To someone I'm not sure if I should speak..
Ever since I've started school,
Recollections surfaced like a brew.
The same school and same canteen,
Where every classroom holds memories.
Familiar lecturers and same old menu,
Now seem so strange as I start anew.
This time round things have changed,
My attachments and thoughts no longer the same.
Its now not strange to eat alone,
At the seats where I listened to friends joke.
It is neither strange to find me raise,
My hands and question in good faith.
Returning to a place with a brand new soul,
A soul that trained at this same place.
The soul now that was part of the us,
Was once so difficult to stay in class.
This soul that watched and memorised,
A part of the us that excelled in learning.
I want to tell you I now understand,
The stress of learning you never shared.
I feel that soul inside of me,
Picked up the feelings of your being.
I could almost feel you in the class,
Where I asked questions you would ask.
I know now why you were missing,
As I am missing now from my life.
I feel now what you experienced,
A humble student yearning for more.
Absorbing the vast library of knowledge,
I know now where your soul was.
Recollections surfaced like a brew.
The same school and same canteen,
Where every classroom holds memories.
Familiar lecturers and same old menu,
Now seem so strange as I start anew.
This time round things have changed,
My attachments and thoughts no longer the same.
Its now not strange to eat alone,
At the seats where I listened to friends joke.
It is neither strange to find me raise,
My hands and question in good faith.
Returning to a place with a brand new soul,
A soul that trained at this same place.
The soul now that was part of the us,
Was once so difficult to stay in class.
This soul that watched and memorised,
A part of the us that excelled in learning.
I want to tell you I now understand,
The stress of learning you never shared.
I feel that soul inside of me,
Picked up the feelings of your being.
I could almost feel you in the class,
Where I asked questions you would ask.
I know now why you were missing,
As I am missing now from my life.
I feel now what you experienced,
A humble student yearning for more.
Absorbing the vast library of knowledge,
I know now where your soul was.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
State of Emergency
Has been declared and in activation since first week of school. I guess this will be a full 9-month state of emergency. Fully focused on studying.
But cannot help it. There are just times when the work gets too intimidating. When faced with daunting equations and indecipherable symbols I get into fits of panic. What a phase!
Who can I look to to console,
A panicky heart constantly on my toes.
Good friends far and near,
Always seeming so dear.
But when I cannot even express,
How will they understand.
When the outlook seems so bleak,
One just wants to get away on one's feet.
Yet at every crossroad and turn,
A sense of loss is all I earn.
Priorities clear yet reluctant,
Get thru it is all I can endeavour.
A mom so supportive is all I need,
In this time to see me thru my deed.
But cannot help it. There are just times when the work gets too intimidating. When faced with daunting equations and indecipherable symbols I get into fits of panic. What a phase!
Who can I look to to console,
A panicky heart constantly on my toes.
Good friends far and near,
Always seeming so dear.
But when I cannot even express,
How will they understand.
When the outlook seems so bleak,
One just wants to get away on one's feet.
Yet at every crossroad and turn,
A sense of loss is all I earn.
Priorities clear yet reluctant,
Get thru it is all I can endeavour.
A mom so supportive is all I need,
In this time to see me thru my deed.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
1Q84 (bk 1)
Sometimes I don't understand why I'm so ill-disciplined. I finished a book at one shot again. No need eat, almost no need sleep. When I'm too free, I'd google to figure out how to kick off addictions like this.
And 1Q84. Its amazing. Some parts are really lengthy, but I guess if not for the 3am reading, I'd probably have not skimmed through certain parts. The good parts I just relished. (note to self: re-read when possible)
I'm just here to contemplate. Its very common for readers/viewers to find a character they identify with be it reading books or watching tv. The most interesting thing about this is that one will realise the difference in the characters they emphatise with and the one they find themselves falling into role with changes! It shows alot about our growth. I see myself in the form of a 17 year old who doesn't speak nor write well in 1Q84. Its in the way she speaks that I see myself time and again. The short replies she gives. The way she questions without a question mark. I did it to my mother but it seems she's used to me. Yet the way the author puts it across, makes it sound like a psychological anomaly!
I see myself in how she trusts others and how her trust is so discerning a wise old man goes along with her instinctive trust. Of course, in the book, the wise old man had ulterior motives. But that's beside the point. Fuka-Eri is a very independent girl. Someone who's capable of protecting herself in her own creative little ways. Such a character! Maybe not the main character in the book, but definitely my star.
P.S. To add on, I really want to thank the lovely girl who introduced the book to me. In person when I see her next year. I hope. We have so much to talk about!
And 1Q84. Its amazing. Some parts are really lengthy, but I guess if not for the 3am reading, I'd probably have not skimmed through certain parts. The good parts I just relished. (note to self: re-read when possible)
I'm just here to contemplate. Its very common for readers/viewers to find a character they identify with be it reading books or watching tv. The most interesting thing about this is that one will realise the difference in the characters they emphatise with and the one they find themselves falling into role with changes! It shows alot about our growth. I see myself in the form of a 17 year old who doesn't speak nor write well in 1Q84. Its in the way she speaks that I see myself time and again. The short replies she gives. The way she questions without a question mark. I did it to my mother but it seems she's used to me. Yet the way the author puts it across, makes it sound like a psychological anomaly!
I see myself in how she trusts others and how her trust is so discerning a wise old man goes along with her instinctive trust. Of course, in the book, the wise old man had ulterior motives. But that's beside the point. Fuka-Eri is a very independent girl. Someone who's capable of protecting herself in her own creative little ways. Such a character! Maybe not the main character in the book, but definitely my star.
P.S. To add on, I really want to thank the lovely girl who introduced the book to me. In person when I see her next year. I hope. We have so much to talk about!
Sunday, September 1, 2013
The days when..
I don't even want to talk to my best friend.
Ultimate desolation.
So last week I was critiqued for not having emotional independence. I thought I wanted to keep this record as a good reminder for myself, although I hope I never need to refer to it. I guess firstly there are just things that don't work. I try to be kind and reason with myself, "you don't want to worry your friends". So I try to manage my predicament, how tough it may be. But no I guess, as much as I try to push myself, as much as I focus on keeping a good health, studying somehow, has this amazing magic to invoke the darkest thoughts and emotions and I guess it all adds up to fear within myself.
So ok, how to cope? Talk I guess, talk to pple. Just let it out. But only to those you're comfortable with. I guess the impetus of being critiqued for the lack of emotional independence spans from the thought that there will be times where "those I'm comfortable with" are just not available. That I may crash. But importantly, I guess I can only remind myself, that I can only be my best. If I'm not capable of emotional independence, so be it. Why incur additional stress trying so.
CONFIDENCE. I guess this needs to be built. Confidence that I can manage school isn't something I can convince myself. Not sure if my friends could, although I don't think they tried. My coach put all his confidence in me though. Something that gives me comfort in dire times. But such thoughts will not get me through my assignments. I need to gather the confidence. From reading more. Besides believing in myself.
Balance. This is inevitable. I try to balance without sacrificing too much. This is hard. Its hard to stay focused on my assignment. Its just too stressful having to sit in front of the computer and expect myself to type out the assignment. So I need to balance. I need to take breathers. I dunno. I'm out of energy. Out of positive energy. (Where did all the positive energy of the past fives years disappear to!?)
Ultimate desolation.
So last week I was critiqued for not having emotional independence. I thought I wanted to keep this record as a good reminder for myself, although I hope I never need to refer to it. I guess firstly there are just things that don't work. I try to be kind and reason with myself, "you don't want to worry your friends". So I try to manage my predicament, how tough it may be. But no I guess, as much as I try to push myself, as much as I focus on keeping a good health, studying somehow, has this amazing magic to invoke the darkest thoughts and emotions and I guess it all adds up to fear within myself.
So ok, how to cope? Talk I guess, talk to pple. Just let it out. But only to those you're comfortable with. I guess the impetus of being critiqued for the lack of emotional independence spans from the thought that there will be times where "those I'm comfortable with" are just not available. That I may crash. But importantly, I guess I can only remind myself, that I can only be my best. If I'm not capable of emotional independence, so be it. Why incur additional stress trying so.
CONFIDENCE. I guess this needs to be built. Confidence that I can manage school isn't something I can convince myself. Not sure if my friends could, although I don't think they tried. My coach put all his confidence in me though. Something that gives me comfort in dire times. But such thoughts will not get me through my assignments. I need to gather the confidence. From reading more. Besides believing in myself.
Balance. This is inevitable. I try to balance without sacrificing too much. This is hard. Its hard to stay focused on my assignment. Its just too stressful having to sit in front of the computer and expect myself to type out the assignment. So I need to balance. I need to take breathers. I dunno. I'm out of energy. Out of positive energy. (Where did all the positive energy of the past fives years disappear to!?)
Friday, August 30, 2013
What truly is logic?
Who decides reason?
It is only in the mysterious equation of love,
that any logical reasons can be found.
--- John Nash
It is only in the mysterious equation of love,
that any logical reasons can be found.
--- John Nash
Sunday, August 11, 2013
The truth behind hate..
Hate, isn't effectively a feeling. Its more of a by-product. Sometimes a by-product of irritation or loss, some get it due to anger, which contrary to known belief, also isn't a feeling. Imagine, 'I feel angry' isn't a feeling. Really, anger sometimes comes out of confusion, pressure, stress and most commonly, I think, fear.
So if I say, generally, I hate studying, I really don't 'feel' anything saying it. But most ppl like studying. Just me. I hate studying. But why? Most commonly - out of fear. Let's not drag this too far off (i.e. pri sch). Imagine passing by the lab you struggled days through nights yet was not able to figure out the programming routine for the fuzzy logic. Shivers. And recalling the days you went in and out of Counselling Centre, taking care of your own depression. Dark days those were. I certainly will never attend an 8am lecture again, because I failed the only module that started at that time.
But lo and behold, Providence brought me back to school. The SAME school. How much courage it will take to see me through this schooling is yet to be defined. ALOT, probably. But it is a phase I have to overcome. It is this phase that will help caress my withered soul from school days. It is this particular experience that I have to put in my best effort at righting things at school. Being really a student, and not what I was doing back in those days. Build up my confidence from school.
It starts tomorrow.
So if I say, generally, I hate studying, I really don't 'feel' anything saying it. But most ppl like studying. Just me. I hate studying. But why? Most commonly - out of fear. Let's not drag this too far off (i.e. pri sch). Imagine passing by the lab you struggled days through nights yet was not able to figure out the programming routine for the fuzzy logic. Shivers. And recalling the days you went in and out of Counselling Centre, taking care of your own depression. Dark days those were. I certainly will never attend an 8am lecture again, because I failed the only module that started at that time.
But lo and behold, Providence brought me back to school. The SAME school. How much courage it will take to see me through this schooling is yet to be defined. ALOT, probably. But it is a phase I have to overcome. It is this phase that will help caress my withered soul from school days. It is this particular experience that I have to put in my best effort at righting things at school. Being really a student, and not what I was doing back in those days. Build up my confidence from school.
It starts tomorrow.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Departing.. and Reminiscence
One more week left, but today I felt it the most. I'm leaving my mother's home - PC7. It is evident, with the choices I have made, the preferences I have indicated and the modules that interest me. To eleven I will be sent. Unless they resolve their lacking of staff before next May.
Just like how Wan Yin claims she was married away, I'm like the teenager who's eloping with her secret lover. The teenager who was loved and endeared at home. The teenager who was pampered and prided of. How my parent PC brought me up so well. How my coach gave his helping hand everytime I sprained. Even if the road seems misty, my coach provided a comfortable carriage I quickly got used to.
Reminiscising my toddler years in Comms with Yih Luen, how my elder brother Jared held my little hands and led me step-my-step. Thru minute writing, thru analysing EMI/EMC, thru the complicated calculations required for GRCSWG. My teenage cousin Vince then watched as Jared held me, warning me of the exposure that's to come to me. As I entered the doors of Welfare Committee, and sitting inside Management Meeting as a junior. I cannot remember all the ups and downs they saw me thru, but they were there. Every lunch, every badminton session, and that one birthday celebration.
In my pri sch years, my coach let me try many subjects. In Maritime Security with Lye Huat, I was primarily thrown to Ben and Yat Seng. In ISR with Wai Meng, who put so much scrunity on me and so much pressure on himself. The exposure was steep, the equations and technical specifications were too much for me to gobble down but they choked me only for awhile. Time there was too short but I remembered all the good ppl I met who were so patient with my confusion.
I finally found my sec sch years in M&S. The puberty, the growth spurt. The glimpse of management and the face of the cruelities and selfishness of this world. I learnt the most, mastered the most and grasped the most here. Puberty is a phase you make the deepest friends and find the greatest enemies. The face of enemies I'd have to face, continue to face but learnt to manage.
Now it was during my puberty I found my deepest beliefs. What I will now seek to study. What I was born with. Maybe even what I was born to do. Even as I elope with this deep belief, I missed my toddler times, my growth. This is the only time, in spite of being adult, being in charge and being given the choice, you miss your youth. The great innocence, the wonderful support everyone around gives to a great innocence.
I do not know how much damage my growth has put in me. The tendonitris will continue to plague me; I cannot run nor pass rainy days without reminder of it. The sprained ankle returns to haunt as I push myself in ballet. The eczema that spurned out of my puberty stress and this tinnitus that bugs me as I type. The tinnitus that I do not know of the road to recovery. I can only be patient. And proceed with life as normal. Solving things step-by-step as Jared has once taught me. Facing the cruelities of this world Vince has warned me for. I will miss my parent.. my parent PC.. and everyone who was part of my growth.. Thank you all...
Just like how Wan Yin claims she was married away, I'm like the teenager who's eloping with her secret lover. The teenager who was loved and endeared at home. The teenager who was pampered and prided of. How my parent PC brought me up so well. How my coach gave his helping hand everytime I sprained. Even if the road seems misty, my coach provided a comfortable carriage I quickly got used to.
Reminiscising my toddler years in Comms with Yih Luen, how my elder brother Jared held my little hands and led me step-my-step. Thru minute writing, thru analysing EMI/EMC, thru the complicated calculations required for GRCSWG. My teenage cousin Vince then watched as Jared held me, warning me of the exposure that's to come to me. As I entered the doors of Welfare Committee, and sitting inside Management Meeting as a junior. I cannot remember all the ups and downs they saw me thru, but they were there. Every lunch, every badminton session, and that one birthday celebration.
In my pri sch years, my coach let me try many subjects. In Maritime Security with Lye Huat, I was primarily thrown to Ben and Yat Seng. In ISR with Wai Meng, who put so much scrunity on me and so much pressure on himself. The exposure was steep, the equations and technical specifications were too much for me to gobble down but they choked me only for awhile. Time there was too short but I remembered all the good ppl I met who were so patient with my confusion.
I finally found my sec sch years in M&S. The puberty, the growth spurt. The glimpse of management and the face of the cruelities and selfishness of this world. I learnt the most, mastered the most and grasped the most here. Puberty is a phase you make the deepest friends and find the greatest enemies. The face of enemies I'd have to face, continue to face but learnt to manage.
Now it was during my puberty I found my deepest beliefs. What I will now seek to study. What I was born with. Maybe even what I was born to do. Even as I elope with this deep belief, I missed my toddler times, my growth. This is the only time, in spite of being adult, being in charge and being given the choice, you miss your youth. The great innocence, the wonderful support everyone around gives to a great innocence.
I do not know how much damage my growth has put in me. The tendonitris will continue to plague me; I cannot run nor pass rainy days without reminder of it. The sprained ankle returns to haunt as I push myself in ballet. The eczema that spurned out of my puberty stress and this tinnitus that bugs me as I type. The tinnitus that I do not know of the road to recovery. I can only be patient. And proceed with life as normal. Solving things step-by-step as Jared has once taught me. Facing the cruelities of this world Vince has warned me for. I will miss my parent.. my parent PC.. and everyone who was part of my growth.. Thank you all...
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Scholarship Award Ceremony
Is something that I think only humans of a certain age and nature would really WANT to go. Its like, even the food doesn't entice me anymore, would rather be home sweet home eating take outs. But nonetheless, it turned out to be a positive experience.
First of course, seeing the undergraduate scholars, those of whom I already could imagine how they'd turn out, was an uplifting experience. Youngsters who don't think they're young, with bright and far-reaching futures performed really well in the dance segment. It was an award winning -Oscars- level kind of performance that kind of sweeps you off your chair.
But the people, its always the ppl that makes your day. The good old DHS senior who only addresses another good old DHS senior by his Chinese name, mind you, not the NRIC dialect name, but the true blue Chinese name. The all so familiar character of the DHS student was rather heart warming.
To top it all off, to share the ceremony and enjoy the performances with a fellow undergraduate turned postgraduate scholar was most precious. Someone who knew how it felt then, someone who had been thru Shatec and sat thru the same undergraduate scholars orientation event, someone who was also once on a certain stage performing for parents and then defence minister, chief executive and directors, was heart-warming.
I now know what I want. If and when I get it, doesn't matter. Most importantly, I'm sure of myself and there's no need for others to push/guide me around anymore.
First of course, seeing the undergraduate scholars, those of whom I already could imagine how they'd turn out, was an uplifting experience. Youngsters who don't think they're young, with bright and far-reaching futures performed really well in the dance segment. It was an award winning -Oscars- level kind of performance that kind of sweeps you off your chair.
But the people, its always the ppl that makes your day. The good old DHS senior who only addresses another good old DHS senior by his Chinese name, mind you, not the NRIC dialect name, but the true blue Chinese name. The all so familiar character of the DHS student was rather heart warming.
To top it all off, to share the ceremony and enjoy the performances with a fellow undergraduate turned postgraduate scholar was most precious. Someone who knew how it felt then, someone who had been thru Shatec and sat thru the same undergraduate scholars orientation event, someone who was also once on a certain stage performing for parents and then defence minister, chief executive and directors, was heart-warming.
I now know what I want. If and when I get it, doesn't matter. Most importantly, I'm sure of myself and there's no need for others to push/guide me around anymore.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
How to be alone... (second dosage)
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5834/25-Ways-to-Be-Alone-But-Not-Lonely.html
With reference to the awesome link I found, I'm gng to work on item 17. tonight.
17. Write down a list of five qualities your soul mate must have, and work on those qualities in yourself.
1 - Take the initiative on living a good life
2 - Reflect, review and keep growing
3 - Communicate, communicate. There's never enough of commnication.
4 - Love my family, care for them and be considerate to them
5 - Honesty, nothing better than an honest living
With reference to the awesome link I found, I'm gng to work on item 17. tonight.
17. Write down a list of five qualities your soul mate must have, and work on those qualities in yourself.
1 - Take the initiative on living a good life
2 - Reflect, review and keep growing
3 - Communicate, communicate. There's never enough of commnication.
4 - Love my family, care for them and be considerate to them
5 - Honesty, nothing better than an honest living
Friday, June 28, 2013
Human nature
It is human nature to want to scream out when they feel threatened. Threats comes in the form of stress, exasperation, impatience, fear and many other forms. In the face of threats, it is human instinct to share that feeling with fellow humans. We think that this sharing will help alleviate that threatened feeling.
But we all know, the best way to overcome this feeling (of being threatened) isn't external. It is internal. It is to calm down. To calm yourself down. To talk yourself into peace. And to reason yourself into understanding and tranquility.
It's difficult. But let's try to remember that.
But we all know, the best way to overcome this feeling (of being threatened) isn't external. It is internal. It is to calm down. To calm yourself down. To talk yourself into peace. And to reason yourself into understanding and tranquility.
It's difficult. But let's try to remember that.
PM201
This was meant to be posted on Monday.
I wanted to mark this milestone. It isn't an overnight thing. It isn't overnight that I turned PM201. But I was there for sometime, except that circumstances did not allow my coach to see it. But to his delight, and my relief, I did attain it. The very impossible Contractor brought it out of me. It isn't the get stressed over an impossible Contractor mentality that makes one PM201. Its the, how can I protect other PMs from such impossible Contractors that makes me PM201. PM or not, I have to focus on my studies now.
As for PM301, Coach has hinted, I will need a longer time and to take on the role of coaching other young uns to work towards it. Chill chill. Keep calm.
I wanted to mark this milestone. It isn't an overnight thing. It isn't overnight that I turned PM201. But I was there for sometime, except that circumstances did not allow my coach to see it. But to his delight, and my relief, I did attain it. The very impossible Contractor brought it out of me. It isn't the get stressed over an impossible Contractor mentality that makes one PM201. Its the, how can I protect other PMs from such impossible Contractors that makes me PM201. PM or not, I have to focus on my studies now.
As for PM301, Coach has hinted, I will need a longer time and to take on the role of coaching other young uns to work towards it. Chill chill. Keep calm.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Child Pose...
Hugging knees tight,
Bent towards your chest.
Squeezing with might,
Does security come back?
Leaning into knees,
Head resting on kneecaps.
What will be will be,
How does one trust?
A taxing long week,
Tiring days.
Testing one's endurance,
And impossible patience.
Communication is key,
In all relationships.
Hard as I strive,
In perserverance I achieve.
Find your security,
Gain back the trust.
Communicate communicate,
Believe what you must.
Bent towards your chest.
Squeezing with might,
Does security come back?
Leaning into knees,
Head resting on kneecaps.
What will be will be,
How does one trust?
A taxing long week,
Tiring days.
Testing one's endurance,
And impossible patience.
Communication is key,
In all relationships.
Hard as I strive,
In perserverance I achieve.
Find your security,
Gain back the trust.
Communicate communicate,
Believe what you must.
Monday, June 10, 2013
A married look..
Just yesterday my classmate insisted to teacher that I must be attached. We never discussed my status ever, yet she so confidently told teacher that I'm attached and I won't have the time commitment to devote myself fully to dressmaking. ( I made no attempt to correct her, busying myself with my dressmaking)
And today, my colleague who recently moved down to sit opposite me, shared frankly with me that she thought I was married! Omg.. when did I give her that idea? She knew me since the day I organised welfare activities for the PC, I hope it wasn't from then! She added that I had this homely feel that's what made her think I was married. But MARRIED! Seriously, can you just check the finger next time???
And it got me curious on the married look. How can anyone tell a lady is married? Honestly, -impossible-. I met many colleagues, from another PC and they looked so young, so independent, so girly, but married. I repeatedly ask myself, curious about how they live their married lives. No need to attend to in-laws? Do laundry for the husband? Cook!? They still maintain the girly, all made up, sporty look. Awesome. And rare mention of their beloved.
Curious.
And today, my colleague who recently moved down to sit opposite me, shared frankly with me that she thought I was married! Omg.. when did I give her that idea? She knew me since the day I organised welfare activities for the PC, I hope it wasn't from then! She added that I had this homely feel that's what made her think I was married. But MARRIED! Seriously, can you just check the finger next time???
And it got me curious on the married look. How can anyone tell a lady is married? Honestly, -impossible-. I met many colleagues, from another PC and they looked so young, so independent, so girly, but married. I repeatedly ask myself, curious about how they live their married lives. No need to attend to in-laws? Do laundry for the husband? Cook!? They still maintain the girly, all made up, sporty look. Awesome. And rare mention of their beloved.
Curious.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
A Beautiful Mind
Just watched the full movie...
Yes, its an old movie, but somehow coursera was trying to get me to understand the cultural situation where the Turing device was born and introduced it to me. I'm supposed to be doing my quizzes but end up spending two full hours on entertainment instead.. lol... if this happens in NUS I don't know if i will graduate...
Having heard so much about game theory in uni days, I didn't understand what it was really about, much less the John who came up with it. I guess this is the inspirational kind of movie for computing students?
Its so awesome isn't it? Coming up with a theory to analyse life situations, even better, come up with something that others can use to apply to other life situations. Like putting project management into a drawing that routes solutions for every problem that comes along the way. I wish I could come up with a theory to analyse project management like game theory! But even if I did, I wouldn't be able to put it down in graphs and equations like how mathematician John did.
Albeit a rather -dark- movie, and of course it does bring about some debate about what is life worthy of? A mental illness and a nobel prize? I guess I'd choose peace at home and warm at heart.
-correction- sorry, I forget, schizo is an inherited gene... debate goes on, but its not related to schizo and nobel prize..
Yes, its an old movie, but somehow coursera was trying to get me to understand the cultural situation where the Turing device was born and introduced it to me. I'm supposed to be doing my quizzes but end up spending two full hours on entertainment instead.. lol... if this happens in NUS I don't know if i will graduate...
Having heard so much about game theory in uni days, I didn't understand what it was really about, much less the John who came up with it. I guess this is the inspirational kind of movie for computing students?
Its so awesome isn't it? Coming up with a theory to analyse life situations, even better, come up with something that others can use to apply to other life situations. Like putting project management into a drawing that routes solutions for every problem that comes along the way. I wish I could come up with a theory to analyse project management like game theory! But even if I did, I wouldn't be able to put it down in graphs and equations like how mathematician John did.
Albeit a rather -dark- movie, and of course it does bring about some debate about what is life worthy of? A mental illness and a nobel prize? I guess I'd choose peace at home and warm at heart.
-correction- sorry, I forget, schizo is an inherited gene... debate goes on, but its not related to schizo and nobel prize..
Monday, June 3, 2013
96 C cafe
(Couldn't find the symbol for degree...)
I guess I wanted to share my feelings and thoughts about the drama before I finish the last 5 episodes..
The show has been great so far.. albeit the far from perfect acting skills.. the far from reality lives of the characters.. lives that absolutely does not reflect the true Singaporean, I felt its a great production after all..
The mood of every episode, the decor of the cafe itself, the music selected, all exhudes relaxation, peace and a kind of tranquility. The colours of the van, her clothes, his clothes, reflects artistry and serenity not common in hot and humid Singapore.
The general mood of each episode centres around a specific concoction of coffee, be it rose cafe, chilli cafe, au lait or simply cappuccino, there is a simple lesson to learn every episode - or so they try.
What I felt is a step up, an achievement which was something that draws me towards drama since young, was the dui bai, the script. Very cleverly weaved into normal conversations, sometimes the granny, ruolin, chuanzhi or whoever else will speak consolations to other characters that really sounds close to my heart.
Of course, besides life, it centres coffee around love relationships. The kinds of love, the faces of love and the different ways to decrypt love languages. Overall a sweet drama. Up until episode 15. :P
I guess I wanted to share my feelings and thoughts about the drama before I finish the last 5 episodes..
The show has been great so far.. albeit the far from perfect acting skills.. the far from reality lives of the characters.. lives that absolutely does not reflect the true Singaporean, I felt its a great production after all..
The mood of every episode, the decor of the cafe itself, the music selected, all exhudes relaxation, peace and a kind of tranquility. The colours of the van, her clothes, his clothes, reflects artistry and serenity not common in hot and humid Singapore.
The general mood of each episode centres around a specific concoction of coffee, be it rose cafe, chilli cafe, au lait or simply cappuccino, there is a simple lesson to learn every episode - or so they try.
What I felt is a step up, an achievement which was something that draws me towards drama since young, was the dui bai, the script. Very cleverly weaved into normal conversations, sometimes the granny, ruolin, chuanzhi or whoever else will speak consolations to other characters that really sounds close to my heart.
Of course, besides life, it centres coffee around love relationships. The kinds of love, the faces of love and the different ways to decrypt love languages. Overall a sweet drama. Up until episode 15. :P
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Mother's Day
I just wanted to put this on the record, as mummy said something the other day that made me realise how much sacrifice she put into giving me a good life. Giving up her virtues, her pride, her youth, her life. And as usual, I was too dense to realise. Till now, my ripe old age of 28.
And I guess, its a never fair deal. Its never a fair deal. And I thought she was getting a good deal what with the frequent trips and the princess of a daughter.
And I guess, its a never fair deal. Its never a fair deal. And I thought she was getting a good deal what with the frequent trips and the princess of a daughter.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Exhaustion..
You know you're tired
when you reach home from IMDEX and plonk straight into bed..
You know you're exhausted
when you have so much trouble dragging yourself out of bed at 9pm..
You know you're exceptionally drained
when you thereafter fall back into sleep at midnight..
And the next day..
You can tell its chronic
when your normal breakfast isn't sufficient energy for your body
You can tell its persistent
when you edit a document three times and still get the price wrong
You can tell its detrimental
when your choice of food is focused on anything that gives you energy to keep awake....
when you reach home from IMDEX and plonk straight into bed..
You know you're exhausted
when you have so much trouble dragging yourself out of bed at 9pm..
You know you're exceptionally drained
when you thereafter fall back into sleep at midnight..
And the next day..
You can tell its chronic
when your normal breakfast isn't sufficient energy for your body
You can tell its persistent
when you edit a document three times and still get the price wrong
You can tell its detrimental
when your choice of food is focused on anything that gives you energy to keep awake....
Sunday, May 12, 2013
As timid as..
Frightened like a mice
Of a cat's glowering eyes
Trembling terribly from fear
The toes, the nose, the ear
Sinking deeper into its hole
The fitted size of a mole
Afriad to venture an inch
As fear tingles within
Trembling so constant
Hope turning very distant
The fright within adheres
To thoughts that seem so real
Mice remains in its corner
Its courage not able to gather
As the glowering persists
Inching out it resists
Of a cat's glowering eyes
Trembling terribly from fear
The toes, the nose, the ear
Sinking deeper into its hole
The fitted size of a mole
Afriad to venture an inch
As fear tingles within
Trembling so constant
Hope turning very distant
The fright within adheres
To thoughts that seem so real
Mice remains in its corner
Its courage not able to gather
As the glowering persists
Inching out it resists
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Resolution
Resolute is shaken, peace is broken.
Why did one lose her calm, what broke the peace?
As one settles in her cosy corner,
Drinking tea while giving her best effort;
Making honest evaluations and recommendations,
Peace is found and simple to keep.
Phone call ringing, voices calming,
Days pass by in tranquility.
Conversations held, differences mitigated,
Solutions found, teamwork implemented.
Such a joy to find a purpose,
Doing well, working with people.
Getting help is sometimes difficult,
As one too many are possessed by disorder.
A simple complaint, a baseless remark,
From one of such, should never bother.
But today, of many days,
Broke a many years, where resolute is clear.
Was at peace, kept the ease,
Yet today, something was lost.
One baseless remark, one mess of words,
Returned with an, unwilling bite.
Peace is broken, calm is lost,
How to proceed, any more?
Yet stronger, the resolute must,
Strengthen beliefs of faith that remain.
Things will resolve, if not by themselves,
With good efforts and honest truths.
Way to go!
Why did one lose her calm, what broke the peace?
As one settles in her cosy corner,
Drinking tea while giving her best effort;
Making honest evaluations and recommendations,
Peace is found and simple to keep.
Phone call ringing, voices calming,
Days pass by in tranquility.
Conversations held, differences mitigated,
Solutions found, teamwork implemented.
Such a joy to find a purpose,
Doing well, working with people.
Getting help is sometimes difficult,
As one too many are possessed by disorder.
A simple complaint, a baseless remark,
From one of such, should never bother.
But today, of many days,
Broke a many years, where resolute is clear.
Was at peace, kept the ease,
Yet today, something was lost.
One baseless remark, one mess of words,
Returned with an, unwilling bite.
Peace is broken, calm is lost,
How to proceed, any more?
Yet stronger, the resolute must,
Strengthen beliefs of faith that remain.
Things will resolve, if not by themselves,
With good efforts and honest truths.
Way to go!
Sunday, May 5, 2013
There was a time..
There was a time, when blogging was a cool thing.
Also a time, it turned into between the line reading.
Blogging is effectively a form of communication,
Be it a cool thing, or reading in between.
It's really up to the blogger's decision,
What she wants to put in her content.
But blogging isn't all about output,
As without the reader, blogging holds less meaning.
Talking about reader, it needn't be others,
Reading one's own blog posts, reliving one's memories.
For one to gain confidence, she needn't look far,
Within one's own experiences, finds one's confidence.
As time has past and blog posts dates far,
Hope one finds confidence, being one's own's reader.
Also a time, it turned into between the line reading.
Blogging is effectively a form of communication,
Be it a cool thing, or reading in between.
It's really up to the blogger's decision,
What she wants to put in her content.
But blogging isn't all about output,
As without the reader, blogging holds less meaning.
Talking about reader, it needn't be others,
Reading one's own blog posts, reliving one's memories.
For one to gain confidence, she needn't look far,
Within one's own experiences, finds one's confidence.
As time has past and blog posts dates far,
Hope one finds confidence, being one's own's reader.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Ladylike
And so.. despite myself being lazy.. since I told a friend I'd blog this, I'm here blogging it...
Ladylike, or is it lady like?
More Ladylike, means what?
That was what my coach said of my growth. Yes, I managed to find a slot to catch him and it was another great session. The highlight was of course ladylike. I think he felt it so hard that he had to let the cat out. He says I've grown more ladylike? I know I've matured, and I guess people who reads/understands me will tell that too. But Ladylike? What exactly is it that makes me more ladylike?
I'm less brash? More understanding? So what exactly is ladylike? This might be a good clue for my future growth.
la·dy·like (l
d
-l
k
)
Ladylike, or is it lady like?
More Ladylike, means what?
That was what my coach said of my growth. Yes, I managed to find a slot to catch him and it was another great session. The highlight was of course ladylike. I think he felt it so hard that he had to let the cat out. He says I've grown more ladylike? I know I've matured, and I guess people who reads/understands me will tell that too. But Ladylike? What exactly is it that makes me more ladylike?
I'm less brash? More understanding? So what exactly is ladylike? This might be a good clue for my future growth.
la·dy·like (l
d-lk)
adj.
1. Characteristic of a lady; well-bred.
2. Appropriate for or becoming to a lady. See Synonyms at female.
3. Unduly sensitive to matters of propriety or decorum.
4. Lacking virility or strength.
Well-bred! haha.. I have to agree.. less brash. More sensitive? I duno. There's a limit to my sensitivity I guess.. as I'm sometimes rather dense.. but ok, more sensitive and to learn to be more sensitive should be good. lacking virility?! no la.. everyday mix with guys.. very hard to lack it..
la·dy·like
adjective \-ˌlīk\Definition of LADYLIKE
1
: becoming or suitable to a lady
2
: resembling a lady in appearance or manners : well-bred
3
a : feeling or showing too much concern about elegance or propriety <ladylike embarrassment at not being the wife of a real doctor — Lewis Vogler>
b : lacking in strength, force, or virility
Manners improved.. okay.. I think I should improve further if you're discussing manners.. I'm not so good yet.. wow.. and Elegance... hmm.. elegance.. can be trained?! lol... good job, keep it up.
And lastly... http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Lady
Lol.. I summarise for my future growth:
1. Well-bred; Less brash - good manners, introduce, say please, thank you...
2. Sensitive to others; More understanding
3. Stay Calm, Cool, Collected :)
That summarises the topic of 'LADYLIKE'.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Love Thyself...
YJ, my amazing Princess,
You filled me with love so immense.
Your joy is so contagious,
How it draws people near you makes me jealous.
YJ, my talented Princess,
You lure me towards you in excess.
I want so much to see you, to touch you,
But I restrain myself for fear of suffocating you.
My Princess, so lovely at Peace,
So calm and serene your countenance is.
I'm so drawn towards your tranquility,
I will treasure you well and care for your health.
My lovely Princess,
I miss you, no matter where.
Love,
YJ
A little step toward loving myself...
You filled me with love so immense.
Your joy is so contagious,
How it draws people near you makes me jealous.
YJ, my talented Princess,
You lure me towards you in excess.
I want so much to see you, to touch you,
But I restrain myself for fear of suffocating you.
My Princess, so lovely at Peace,
So calm and serene your countenance is.
I'm so drawn towards your tranquility,
I will treasure you well and care for your health.
My lovely Princess,
I miss you, no matter where.
Love,
YJ
A little step toward loving myself...
Monday, March 11, 2013
How to be alone.
Can't believe I googled that. And got this: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5834/25-Ways-to-Be-Alone-But-Not-Lonely.html
So i'm going to try the one exotic thing.
20. Write a love letter to yourself.
Abit narcissistic. But i think I need a few drafts before I can get this letter out. Especially since i'm feeling so upset with myself today.
Dear YJ,
My love. It's been great having you around. I'm seriously in awe of your dress sense. Although at times you're just plain lazy, but when you do perk yourself up, you look AMAZING!
I know you've been a little down recently. Its okay to eat good food. But do get over it and on with life soon!
You're an amazing girl, learning dressmaking and all. Such a great art. I really loved that first piece of skirt. So trendy and sophisticated. Way to go girl, I'd be cheering you on.
I love riding horses with you too. You're such a dear when you're on a horse. Totally free and fretless. I enjoy basking in your joy while you ride. Its an experience I treasure very much.
Looking forward to lovely days ahead my dear.
With love,
YJ
So i'm going to try the one exotic thing.
20. Write a love letter to yourself.
Abit narcissistic. But i think I need a few drafts before I can get this letter out. Especially since i'm feeling so upset with myself today.
Dear YJ,
My love. It's been great having you around. I'm seriously in awe of your dress sense. Although at times you're just plain lazy, but when you do perk yourself up, you look AMAZING!
I know you've been a little down recently. Its okay to eat good food. But do get over it and on with life soon!
You're an amazing girl, learning dressmaking and all. Such a great art. I really loved that first piece of skirt. So trendy and sophisticated. Way to go girl, I'd be cheering you on.
I love riding horses with you too. You're such a dear when you're on a horse. Totally free and fretless. I enjoy basking in your joy while you ride. Its an experience I treasure very much.
Looking forward to lovely days ahead my dear.
With love,
YJ
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Budget
What exactly is budget?
I've been doing so much budgeting at work, seeing so much effort going into the details of a few singapore cents, but is that even budgeting?
In pri school, budgeting means figuring out how to spend the 1 singapore dollar I have on me everyday. There's no such thing as budgeting for a music playing device which may range from a mp3, a casette player, a stereo, a surround sound speaker or even a laptop. Its either the 30 cents noodle, the 10 cents chicken biscuit or the 1 dollar sharpener. I don't even get to save the remainder.
In sec school, budgeting is.. eating less of delifrance, having hawker instead of Mac Donald's, self-medication instead of seeking medical help.
When it comes to poly, things started changing. There was an income, so the budgeting shifted. It was finding the cheapest jeans ($3), the cheapest lunch ($1.50 chicken rice), the cheapest shoe ($5) and the cheapest bag. There was occassional splurging when out with the poly cliques, but I reckon I spend more time earning tuition, teaching the cello than in school even.
When in NUS, things weren't better. The cravings for New Zealand ice-cream, for tea time at TCC and such-likes were much abhorred by the other half. The frequent purchases, the $20 bikini, $50 t-shirt was scorned at at home. Who exactly was I budgeting for anyway? Budgeting to please those around me?
Finally, after all that, here I am. Free. Free to spend as I wish. Free to have that $50 meal when the mood comes. Free to walk-in and out TCC so regularly I got sick of the food. Free to buy a $70 hair clip without the need to feel guilty. Free to appreciate my wealth and busk in the freedom it offered me. What did budgeting become?
It became more meaningful. Since I was free to buy anything, I wanted to buy what I'd appreciate. What will be meaningful to me. I wouldn't spend $3 suffering through a meal I do not enjoy, if the $10 alternative satisfies my psychological needs. I wouldn't spend $100 on a pair of shoe if the $10 one is more comfortable and pleasing to the eye. I don't buy three pairs of shoes just because buying more gives me more discount. I only buy two pairs and pay the original price because I know those are the two I like and will make good use of. THIS, to me, is what budgeting should be.
Find out what meets your needs. Value the worth of the goods, a leather bag vs a polyester one. Leather lasts infinitely longer, but will you get sick of the design and stop using it after 5/10 years?
I don't believe in living your life on a shoe-string budget. You satisfy your needs. Find out what you need, then satisfy it. If you need starbucks everyday to meet your psychological needs, then find out how you can support that need financially. If you don't need a 80 hectare garden in your home, then don't splurge your excess on that piece of land you don't use. Give others a chance to maximise its utility.
That's the way I see budgeting. Buy what you need even if you don't have the money (go find it). Don't buy what you don't utilise even if you have too much money (wait till you find a more meaningful way to spend it).
I've been doing so much budgeting at work, seeing so much effort going into the details of a few singapore cents, but is that even budgeting?
In pri school, budgeting means figuring out how to spend the 1 singapore dollar I have on me everyday. There's no such thing as budgeting for a music playing device which may range from a mp3, a casette player, a stereo, a surround sound speaker or even a laptop. Its either the 30 cents noodle, the 10 cents chicken biscuit or the 1 dollar sharpener. I don't even get to save the remainder.
In sec school, budgeting is.. eating less of delifrance, having hawker instead of Mac Donald's, self-medication instead of seeking medical help.
When it comes to poly, things started changing. There was an income, so the budgeting shifted. It was finding the cheapest jeans ($3), the cheapest lunch ($1.50 chicken rice), the cheapest shoe ($5) and the cheapest bag. There was occassional splurging when out with the poly cliques, but I reckon I spend more time earning tuition, teaching the cello than in school even.
When in NUS, things weren't better. The cravings for New Zealand ice-cream, for tea time at TCC and such-likes were much abhorred by the other half. The frequent purchases, the $20 bikini, $50 t-shirt was scorned at at home. Who exactly was I budgeting for anyway? Budgeting to please those around me?
Finally, after all that, here I am. Free. Free to spend as I wish. Free to have that $50 meal when the mood comes. Free to walk-in and out TCC so regularly I got sick of the food. Free to buy a $70 hair clip without the need to feel guilty. Free to appreciate my wealth and busk in the freedom it offered me. What did budgeting become?
It became more meaningful. Since I was free to buy anything, I wanted to buy what I'd appreciate. What will be meaningful to me. I wouldn't spend $3 suffering through a meal I do not enjoy, if the $10 alternative satisfies my psychological needs. I wouldn't spend $100 on a pair of shoe if the $10 one is more comfortable and pleasing to the eye. I don't buy three pairs of shoes just because buying more gives me more discount. I only buy two pairs and pay the original price because I know those are the two I like and will make good use of. THIS, to me, is what budgeting should be.
Find out what meets your needs. Value the worth of the goods, a leather bag vs a polyester one. Leather lasts infinitely longer, but will you get sick of the design and stop using it after 5/10 years?
I don't believe in living your life on a shoe-string budget. You satisfy your needs. Find out what you need, then satisfy it. If you need starbucks everyday to meet your psychological needs, then find out how you can support that need financially. If you don't need a 80 hectare garden in your home, then don't splurge your excess on that piece of land you don't use. Give others a chance to maximise its utility.
That's the way I see budgeting. Buy what you need even if you don't have the money (go find it). Don't buy what you don't utilise even if you have too much money (wait till you find a more meaningful way to spend it).
Friday, January 18, 2013
Giving thanks...
Strong and sturdy by the bed you stand,
Firm to touch as you never bend.
When I lost trust deep within,
You stood silently there for me.
Many whom I couldn't talk with,
Caused me to bottle things too many.
But everytime I press your keys,
I could let out my deepest dreams.
Thank you for the music you sing,
Although before you tears I drip.
Thank you for sharing all my pain,
My joy and thoughts when I play.
Even when there were times so long,
I left you to your silent song.
Distracted I was by the outside world,
Playing like I never had to return.
But when I returned to seek solace,
You let my fingers run and race.
Thank you dear Piano for being here,
To me you are indeed very dear.
Shimei says it must be bad since I went to play the piano again. Poor piano. So I decided to write this passage, with thanks to Mr Piano. :D
Firm to touch as you never bend.
When I lost trust deep within,
You stood silently there for me.
Many whom I couldn't talk with,
Caused me to bottle things too many.
But everytime I press your keys,
I could let out my deepest dreams.
Thank you for the music you sing,
Although before you tears I drip.
Thank you for sharing all my pain,
My joy and thoughts when I play.
Even when there were times so long,
I left you to your silent song.
Distracted I was by the outside world,
Playing like I never had to return.
But when I returned to seek solace,
You let my fingers run and race.
Thank you dear Piano for being here,
To me you are indeed very dear.
Shimei says it must be bad since I went to play the piano again. Poor piano. So I decided to write this passage, with thanks to Mr Piano. :D
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Adiemus
The mind splitting apart,
Try coming to terms with the heart.
With doors of the heart shut,
How can the mind comprehend its art?
Is love a grey matter?
Or simply a switch?
One moment in love,
The next under the ditch.
Adiemus on the fingers,
While tears stream down cheeks.
A memory so distant,
Yet its sadness still pricks.
Have I been searching,
For something I once found?
Yet lost it forever,
Without realising.
If happiness is lost,
How shall one live?
With no distance to cover,
One blindly breathes in.
Try coming to terms with the heart.
With doors of the heart shut,
How can the mind comprehend its art?
Is love a grey matter?
Or simply a switch?
One moment in love,
The next under the ditch.
Adiemus on the fingers,
While tears stream down cheeks.
A memory so distant,
Yet its sadness still pricks.
Have I been searching,
For something I once found?
Yet lost it forever,
Without realising.
If happiness is lost,
How shall one live?
With no distance to cover,
One blindly breathes in.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Batam 2D1N Groupon
So we bought this Big Deal voucher for $48 per person, includes a 1N stay at Pacific Palace, a hotel built to look like a cruise ship. We had to top-up $21 per person for sea port taxes and related surcharges.
It wasn't a good trip I'd say. If you're looking for a relaxing getaway, what they offer is at the opposite end of your requirements.
We had to check-in at 8am (my boyfriend did that admin while i arrived just on time to board the boat), get on at 9am and arrive in Batam at around 9.20am. According to tour guide, the ferry was kind of late, he managed to gather the entire group at 9.40am. Thereafter began our never-ending journey with the little bus around Batam. First to some Chocolate Shop, followed by some traditional dance (below) with glass and fire eating performances. Then to Ralph Lauren shop and to a buffet lunch.
The guide promoted the buffet as traditional indonesian fare, but he was very much lying through his teeth. We had msg filled chicken soup, bits of fish deep fried in layers of flour, chicken and fish deep fried till they were so tough you couldn't tell one from the other. And vege where you bite into scalding hot chili every other munch. It was generally an awful meal. So awful that i lost my appetite for a day.
And the pain doesn't end there, he continues to bring us to some imitation bag shop after which we went for the 60min massage @ Sawadika. He tried to sell us another 30mins for S$10 each, fortunately we didn't buy into his cheat. He claimed 'the rest' of the tour group also bought that additional, but we realised after our session 'the rest' was just 3 pax. Tour guide even claimed that the massage is how good. But to our horror, which we only discovered when boyfriend bathed, there was three dominant bruise lines at his back! For me, i could tell the masseuse was bad especially after my indulgent experience in Tanjong Puteri (JB). Her hand movements were not coordinated and all the acupoints were not in place. It was extremely painful in weird areas, her strokes in certain parts were also going the wrong way. Omg, cant believe there actually are ppl who find it good. Go get a life peeps!
After that tiring massage (what an oxymoron), we were driven yet again to another 'designer wear' shop -sian-. It was then where boyfriend convinced tour manager to send us back to our hotel instead of to the next shopping mall for a hour's torture. Fortunately, he agreed.
Our evening went peacefully at the hotel, ordered room service as I was really turned off by the lack of comfort in that country. The food in Pacific Palace is awesome though. Really yummy special toufu and crispy duck we had (below)! Its a high achieving three star hotel.
I guess, I like Indonesia in general, enjoyed my time at Turi and Bali in two previous trips. I guess, its just this Batam that really turns me off. (P.S. Tour guide shared that it had 60% chinese while Indo in general has only 10% chinese! wow...)
It wasn't a good trip I'd say. If you're looking for a relaxing getaway, what they offer is at the opposite end of your requirements.
We had to check-in at 8am (my boyfriend did that admin while i arrived just on time to board the boat), get on at 9am and arrive in Batam at around 9.20am. According to tour guide, the ferry was kind of late, he managed to gather the entire group at 9.40am. Thereafter began our never-ending journey with the little bus around Batam. First to some Chocolate Shop, followed by some traditional dance (below) with glass and fire eating performances. Then to Ralph Lauren shop and to a buffet lunch.
The guide promoted the buffet as traditional indonesian fare, but he was very much lying through his teeth. We had msg filled chicken soup, bits of fish deep fried in layers of flour, chicken and fish deep fried till they were so tough you couldn't tell one from the other. And vege where you bite into scalding hot chili every other munch. It was generally an awful meal. So awful that i lost my appetite for a day.
And the pain doesn't end there, he continues to bring us to some imitation bag shop after which we went for the 60min massage @ Sawadika. He tried to sell us another 30mins for S$10 each, fortunately we didn't buy into his cheat. He claimed 'the rest' of the tour group also bought that additional, but we realised after our session 'the rest' was just 3 pax. Tour guide even claimed that the massage is how good. But to our horror, which we only discovered when boyfriend bathed, there was three dominant bruise lines at his back! For me, i could tell the masseuse was bad especially after my indulgent experience in Tanjong Puteri (JB). Her hand movements were not coordinated and all the acupoints were not in place. It was extremely painful in weird areas, her strokes in certain parts were also going the wrong way. Omg, cant believe there actually are ppl who find it good. Go get a life peeps!
After that tiring massage (what an oxymoron), we were driven yet again to another 'designer wear' shop -sian-. It was then where boyfriend convinced tour manager to send us back to our hotel instead of to the next shopping mall for a hour's torture. Fortunately, he agreed.
Our evening went peacefully at the hotel, ordered room service as I was really turned off by the lack of comfort in that country. The food in Pacific Palace is awesome though. Really yummy special toufu and crispy duck we had (below)! Its a high achieving three star hotel.
I guess, I like Indonesia in general, enjoyed my time at Turi and Bali in two previous trips. I guess, its just this Batam that really turns me off. (P.S. Tour guide shared that it had 60% chinese while Indo in general has only 10% chinese! wow...)
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Les Miserables the Movie
I was reading up on Tom Hooper, the director, which led to more readings on Anne Hathaway and Samantha Barks and young Cosette. The latter both were novices to the movie industry, of which 10 year old Cosette was talent spotted at her school's play!
Anne is born for Fantine, she must've heard her mother at it when she was young and found her very own version of Fantine. I almost thought she lived in the 18th century! Of course, the weight loss helped. I can understand why she is so insistent on the weight loss. But 11kg is gross, I cant imagine myself doing that. But it made Fantine so real, so ke lian, so pitiful (sorry i'm just translating).
Of course the over talked about live-recording, idea of Tom Hooper and his priority in this movie production makes the day. It added the 'cold' into the drama, the tears and pain. The pauses, and how the orchestral eventually blended into the movie, it really makes it a movie-musical, not a musical-movie.
My attention was only drawn to Cosette after some readings. I thought she felt very real, like Fanning material. Its awesome seeing the Les Mis little girl come alive. The poster trying to imitate the orignal was so REAL!
And the songs, the songs are constantly ringing in my mind.. I did notice they added a new song, as it was slightly off but I figured instantly it was to fill the story. That song didn't stay, but Dreamed a Dream, One day more and Castle on the Cloud, especially Master of the House.. omg! so well done.. Bella Lastringx! oppz, that's the Harry Potter witch... they were so naturally comical. Totally awesome.
Wouldn't mind watching again.
Anne is born for Fantine, she must've heard her mother at it when she was young and found her very own version of Fantine. I almost thought she lived in the 18th century! Of course, the weight loss helped. I can understand why she is so insistent on the weight loss. But 11kg is gross, I cant imagine myself doing that. But it made Fantine so real, so ke lian, so pitiful (sorry i'm just translating).
Of course the over talked about live-recording, idea of Tom Hooper and his priority in this movie production makes the day. It added the 'cold' into the drama, the tears and pain. The pauses, and how the orchestral eventually blended into the movie, it really makes it a movie-musical, not a musical-movie.
My attention was only drawn to Cosette after some readings. I thought she felt very real, like Fanning material. Its awesome seeing the Les Mis little girl come alive. The poster trying to imitate the orignal was so REAL!
And the songs, the songs are constantly ringing in my mind.. I did notice they added a new song, as it was slightly off but I figured instantly it was to fill the story. That song didn't stay, but Dreamed a Dream, One day more and Castle on the Cloud, especially Master of the House.. omg! so well done.. Bella Lastringx! oppz, that's the Harry Potter witch... they were so naturally comical. Totally awesome.
Wouldn't mind watching again.
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