An amazing night..

We had the most amazing night ever. It was a very very short meet up, as short as the time that took to finish a glass of long island. But it was so close, so comfy, I felt so comforted so taken care of, so like a little girl again to my mamas... The mama who asks me to move on, and the mama who tells me to believe that things will only get better...

The two mamas haven't met for so long! 6/4 yrs? omg... and we talked like we were having our first meeting in sec 3.. so much hope, so full of the future, so sure of ourselves, yes, that's what we were? except roles abit changed. :P And so many exchanges so many complaints, complaints that never changed, but just the environment or object of complaint changed. pple will keep disappointing us, pple will keep bullying us and we somehow allow them to do so, so that we can weep into each other and comfort one another?

I thought alot of course, i always think alot, if not stopped, i think too much. But the general feel was so great. Its gng to be the meeting of a lifetime i feel. Just like the one we had on boxing day. Meeting of a lifetime, you cannot lose that feeling even if its ten years later. Have you ever felt this way?

I cannot buy anything!!!! :'(

The worse thing about having NO INCOME is that I stopped all my buying. Like I saw this SET of really fashionable clothes, trendy tee and slimming tights.. but is not CAPABLE of buying! I cannot afford to spend on any piece of clothing when I'm struggling to pay for the next meal.

Sigh.. who can buy for me? Please.. i really love that tee and tights from Fox.. oh please.. will you buy for me please???? :(

He's just NOT that into ME

yah.. so you know, if the guy's really interested, he'd come for ya? At least that's one of the points made in that movie.. which I later added-on for leng - provided He's American. So it doesn't exactly work for Asians? Cos unlike the westerners, Asians are simply TOO shy? poor, pitiful Asian girls and pathetic Asian boys. Think both sides want the best of -sexual equality- which totally contradicts itself in its own way.

So stop sitting around the phone, start attempting for the 100th time to MOVE ON, and erz.. never give up on love? sorry its hard for someone to come to terms with that. never give up? after exp. so much, seeing so much, hearing so much, talking so much, i'm not so sure about never giving up. In fact, I have put an expiry date on it already!

yah! if he's into you, he'd want to make you happy? the exception in the show was he was willing to marry her to make her happy? but the other who was forced to marry didn't turn out well? so what does it say anyway?

All in all, I concluded:
you're neither the exception nor the rule, just unique

that certainly doesn't help does it? well, pathetic as love may seem, the movie's good and great with the amazing chemistry and star work.

The mistletoe

Its curious how I could have lived so many years and not know that this plant I see decorating restaurants and shopping centres to be the mistletoe!

Even after singing about it in Choir three years ago, I didn't bother asking what it was and why mummy has to kiss Santa under it. Only today that I decided to do a little research, that I realised the significance and tradition behind it.

From what I've read, kissing under the mistletoe promises good luck in love. They say a maiden who's not been kissed under the mistletoe will not find love for a year while one who has will. Anw, there's also the tradition that if the guy kisses under the mistletoe, he is to remove one berry from it. So when the mistletoe eventually becomes bare, you're not supposed to kiss under it.

Anw, its interesting how this lovey dovey thing actually relates to today. Valentine's day. Haha.. all lovey dovey.

IPL/laser

I didn't mean to post that. Too lengthy. Sorry.

Anw, I did some research yesterday on permanent hair removal. Haha. i'm just lazy la. All the weekly removal can get quite tedious when things get too busy. So I very innocently believed that there was such a thing.

To my disappointment, my research online stated clearly that permanent hair removal isn't exactly forever. It just lasts longer than the usual hair growth cycle (1 week). So IPL and laser takes about 1yr/a few years for hair to regrow but its not permanent.

If you're rich, go ahead. To me, its financially not worthy, so to quote another friend of mine, 'you cant be lazy if you want to look good'.

When i was 7..

sitting in my uncle's car... alone at the backseat.. i remembered so vividly i thought to myself, i want to grow up, when i do grow up i will never wish i was young again. That was when I couldn't have the freedom to be alone. To take care of myself. To be trusted to take care of myself. I felt manipulated, I had to go where my uncle went, following them, didn't have my own choice, my cousins dun know how fortunate they are.

Now at 24, I'm afraid I'm gng to start wishing I would stop growing old. Emotionally, mentally, I'm beginning to feel 40, if not 50. Well, I won't bite my own 7 yr-old-words. I do not wish to become that little. But I just want to stop here. Dun grow any older. This is the first year, of all years that my relatives chased me to get married. This is the first year of all years, my mother insisted that I need to marry. Soon. Even without all these reminders, I've already started worrying on my own. Seeing the ageing face in the mirror every morning, knowing it will never be the same. Never be that beautiful young girl.

I knew what I wanted since I was in secondary school. I knew what I was looking for by the time i completed my O levels. I know more or less in blurred images the future i needed to lead a happy life. And it hasn't changed since then. I have heard ladies of 30 warn me during my teen my ideals will change after 22/23. But no. Mine hasn't and I believe will not change in the future. Maybe I won't be a total stay at home mum. But definitely I want to care for my own kids. With a man I love. At least, I need a loving husband, someone who comes home daily to relax and appreciate his home. I am now more aware of the baby gooey that comes with family. I told someone I didn't mind not having kids. But certainly, I need someone who can afford to spend precious evenings together, and active weekends alive. Not the bankers(etc..) who work their hells Mon-Fri and get so shagged they sleep their weekends away.

It seems that little expectation of mine is overboard. To many. I nv asked for riches and wealth. Never asked for gucci and armani. Never asked for roses and houses. Just TIME. :'( It's that hard isn't it? Part of being Singaporean? Or just living in this society? The minimal i need is time. Yet some like to replace it with lavish gifts. It doesn't make up. Nothing can make up for lost time. TIME is so precious, ever since secondary school. Where I first had control of my own time. You have to know the feeling of having no control of your time to understand this. Bet very few will. Hurting as it might be. I have to live with it.

No pictures...

Sorry readers, no current pictures of my life. Think I'm in this weird mood that's suddenly totally not into pictures.

I had this weird friend who referred me to True Fitness and I went TODAY. The worst part abt this weird friend is he wants to keep annonymity and worse worse the consultant told me he spelt my name wrongly! URGH! That's why guys are a whole disappointing lot.

Anw, I toured the WHOLE gym with her introducing the equipments and trying to entice me to joining. In the past, all such equipments used to intrigue me. I'd think they're so fun! But now, its different. I think I know myself better. I wouldn't do it. Not alone. Not enough discipline also. And very shy gng to this big place with so many pple I totally do not know! Very SCARY!

Ah, I know. I know why i'm not into pictures. Cos no money to go for fun meals with interesting food! haha.. sorry! Pray hard that I find work soon ok?

I know its missing..

it hit me when she exclaimed 'But we just talked yesterday!'..

I just couldn't fill her in enough. I needed her to KNOW. Somehow I think she already DOES. But I had to make sure she didn't get it wrong!

And now she's in Malaysia, Borneo? I just need someone to talk to! There's too many things missing, over-flowing and breaking. I have to tell her. Or HER.

I think my patience is GONE. They've worn it out totally. I used to think I'm very patient. But no. To them, to him, I'm NOT.

The human who seemed to love me at times, a month and a half ago, could do without talking to me for a month and a half. He made me wait a month and a half for a phone call that never came. The agency that claims I have to start work a week after my last exams, claims I cannot start work even after waiting for two months plus after my exams.

I've been sitting at home waiting. Of course, i was also reading. When have I ever picked up a book at 2pm and finished it at 10pm? Dinner and lunch and toilet and laundry break inclusive? I could sit there and finish a book without external interruptions. This is so precious. To many others out there, it is. To me, it has become mundane. If i were not waiting, I'm sure I'd do more meaningful stuff. Beside finishing a drama series in two days. Reading a series of FOUR books TWICE. Cleaning up the home dustless. Waiting was all I was doing. Why wasn't I out and about? Because I have nothing to spend. I had to restrict myself to non monetary activities. Cycling costs money, swimming does too. Everything is money. And unfortunately i hate running the only free sport i can imagine doing alone.

The worst part about this waiting is, everyone else is busy. Everyone is at sch or at work. Worse off them at work. I needed to talk and there was no one to turn to. Everyone else was caught up. Everyone I was willing to talk to.

'nuff said.

This book i completed today, in one day is good. I like novels. love romance. I've developed this philosophy on why pple read. Or watch tv for that matter. They want answers. Therefore there are programs or books that some like to read or watch while others doesn't. Different pple want answers for different things. Girls like me want to know the answer to L.O.V.E. Boys want the answer to Adventure. Even in love, pple are looking for different things. That's why some love stories intrigue others while some do not. Like the teenage girls would be into Shopaholic while their mature moms would be into more realistic love story of some middle-aged married woman struggling to find the reason behind her marriage again and finds it despite the lack of adventure or spice in Shopaholic. All that down-to-earth romance wouldn't intrigue teenage girls. And somehow, I've moved there. Its weird isn't it? Books like the Girl-next-door doesn't intrigue me anymore. I want to read about down-to-earth relationships. I want to read about the ONE, relationships where there is the ONE. I want to read about pursuing dreams and succeeding. Becos these are what will spur me on. To L.I.V.E.

Yeah, totally amazing. This blog is about being pro life. So I will only blog when I'm pro life. Recently watched this stupid jap drama about some idiotic guy getting too many chances. I think humans need to realise they NEVER get second chances at their lives. Guys/Men need to realise nothing they do will make up for the things they DIDN'T do.

Of enough. I'm ranting cos I cant find anyone to talk to. But that's enough. Doubt anyone will want to read this either. Ciao.

Archery - Genting

My first time doing archery. Its rather tiring after a dozen arrows. My left arm, i.e. the bow arm, starts to ache. But as I continue onto my 20th arrow, the ache seems to go away as I make futile attempts to aim. There isn't much entertainment in Genting besides arcade, bowling, archery and theme parks. Most pple go there for the casino. I really dislike the smoke over in Genting. Alot of indoor places are smoke filled. Once I entered the lobby of the First World Hotel where we stayed, my eyes started watering. Every morning it happens. And my clothes will stink of smoke after the entire day of walking from First World to Highlands hotel with my uncles and aunt. And snaking in and out of the casino to look for them. Things are half priced there, everything except the shopping. The design actually looks good, but i wouldn't buy at those prices. Food is pretty okay over there. Not totally cheap, but cheaper than SG. We ate at Old Town, can you imagine?! haha.. yummy...

Chin Swee Temple - Genting

This is the temple, the only attraction I know of in Genting. (Cable car's not an attraction since most pple use it as transport) That's where we got our vegetarian food also. Haha.. these photos are really late, was there before new year, am only posting now that new year's almost over...

Vegetarian?!?!? - Genting

So here we have prawns, chicken and barbecued pork. But.. the catch is, they're vegetarian! the prawns taste good, but i wouldn't say the same for chicken and pork. I love chicken, but vegetarian chicken just cannot seem to taste the same! haha.. well, still, a yummy meal. :)

Trout at Sungei Buloh?

Yes, we saw this jumping fish at Sungei Buloh, think its the trout isn't it? Anyway, very interesting trip again. (Some research on Google shows its most likely to be the rainbow trout)

Yummy food @ food court

You can get this at Tampines Mall food court for just 4 bucks! Oh, amazing isn't it? :)

It is very yummy, albeit rather spicy and may scald if you do not let it cool before succumbing it to your tongue. Go for it! :)